Earlier this week I made the following post on Face Book. Today I want to share a strategy for self-supporting one's truth/belief challenging. Check it out...
I love challenging people's "truth" or beliefs. And I love it when my coach, Alicia Marie challenges mine. I realized in my last coaching session that i have a tendency to tell myself this lie, "i don't like my life", from time to time. I can remember saying that as a kid...and as a teen...and in my 20's...and my 30's. When I believe that little lie-- LIKE IT'S THE TRUTH-- challenges, frustrations, depression and all kinds of shit shows up in my daily life. When I recognize that for what it is (an unconscious out-of-date broken record in my inner dialogue) I can replace it with something more useful and in fact, TRUE. The truth is I love a lot about my life...my friends, my family, my clients, the home I live in, the opportunities I have, the health of my body, the sun on my face, the two little weenie dogs that I cannot get enough of, my partner Matt Bennett, my voice and the courage to speak up and share who I am and what I'm up to...See?
I didn't intend to write all this but I guess my point is: When we challenge the "truth"/belief we are so latched onto, often a whole lotta good (peace, joy, love, freedom, connection) results.
What "truth" are you willing to have challenged today?
And now for that strategy...
Not everyone is able to have coaching conversations to support their personal growth so for anyone who could use a step-by-step self-supporting strategy, her ya go.
1. The first thing to do is NOTICE when you're in a rut (or funk, or dark hole, or stagnant spot, or anything LESS THAN desirable). The cool thing about life is it's meant to be lived JOYFULLY and ABUNDANTLY. So if that's not the experience you're having (barring a traumatic experience, of course) then you may want to challenge some beliefs or the "truth" as you see it.
2. Next, get CURIOUS about the thoughts you're having that contribute to the "less than experience". What is it that you believe to be true. It doesn't even have to be some big deal. In my FB post above, I was simply thinking "I don't like my life". That wasn't the only thing I was thinking but it sure did keep popping up for a few days. And that little lie felt like the truth. I mean, I could find all kinds of evidence to support it like: I wasn't getting any clients, my face was breaking out, my clothes didn't fit right, my relationship wasn't what I wanted it to be...the list goes on. The point is those thoughts were all about all the shit I DID NOT WANT.
3. Ask yourself the question, "What if the opposite were true?" In my case, Alicia asked me to tell her what I DID like about my life. Sitting in my office I looked around and saw my doggies laying in the patch of sunlight on the floor, "I love Copper and Penny", I said. Then I saw the green lawn through the windows and realized I love my little bungalow. I saw my shiny new car in the driveway, "I love the opportunities I have to earn a living that affords nice things". I thought of Alicia and my other AMAZING friends, "I love my friends...and family...and clients...and my work." Alicia then said, well it sounds like you DO like your life and there may just be an area that's out of integrity. What area is that?
4. If you're experiencing LESS THAN (fabulous) you may want to consider what's out of integrity. What has gone unaddressed or unexpressed that has turned into a story that isn't true? What I was not addressing was my desire for intimacy (physical, sexual, and spiritual) with Matt. I had been making attempts to express that but I realized those attempts were originating from a fear impulse. Fear has the qualities of contraction, aggression, and manipulation/control. In other words, I was approaching my request in a closed-off manner....even though I was asking for an open, loving experience. Integrity, btw, is the alignment between your thoughts, words, and actions with your true essence, heart and soul (aka LOVE). So what was out of integrity for me is pretty clear, huh?
5. LOVE is the source of sustainable creation. Are you creating from love or reacting out of fear? Don't get me wrong, fear definitely manifests some stuff. But it's usually the stuff you DON'T WANT. Love is the true creator. It's who we (and all of life) are at our core. The love impulse contains qualities like openness, invitation, empathy, presence, peace and ease, and joy. I don't know about you, but I sure do prefer to experience those qualities over the alternative. And so I did. The conversation that Matt and I had as a result of me doing this work was a breakthrough one. We still have some work to do to fully honor each other in the relationship but with integrity, it will be much more powerful and creative rather than disempowering and reactive!
In conclusion, we are more likely to be in integrity when we are coming from love. When our thoughts, words, and actions are aligned with our true essence, heart and soul--we are POWERFUL and CREATIVE. We can trust our TRUTH, allow LOVE to guide us, and create what we DO want. Anytime you're having a "less than" experience challenge what you're calling the truth. Get curious about the supporting beliefs and question whether they're rooted in LOVE or FEAR. If fear is motivating you, you're probably out of integrity. Clear that up and the "less than" will magically (yes, magically!) turn into a "more than" experience!
If you want a judgement-free space to sift through your thoughts and feelings coaching can be an efficient and effective method for helping you get powerful and creative leading to YOUR 'more than" experience. Call me for a complimentary 30-minute call to see how it works!