Today's confession is a "buy one get 3 free" situation. What a deal!
Be sure to WATCH the video before reading the blog post or you might not get it.
I'm a day late with this post. Not because I forgot or because I'm lazy, but because I had the great pleasure of working with clients that filled my schedule yesterday. Sure, I could've stayed late and pushed something out for you guys, but that's not how I roll.
Also, since we're about 2 months into a 6-month program, now is a good time to assess what's what. A lot has happened over the last 60 days and some of it is right in line with what I intended and some of it isn't.
My biggest "goal" is to establish integrity. I have a vision in my mind of what my ideal life looks like, inclusive of who I am being, what I'm doing and the results of that. I started this project confessing that my reality was NOT in alignment with my vision. Take a look at what Confession #1 revealed:
- I suck at being consistent -- with exercise, clean eating, paying down debt, writing, etc.
- I've never actually had a bonafied business before and I'm not sure I can hack it as an entrepreneur.
- Inner conflict #1: I want help/support with the day-to-day and I feel like I have to do it all myself.
- Inner conflict #2: I want to speak/present to large audiences and I'm scared shitless to be seen.
- I haven't had sex in months. (how's that for a confession?)
I followed this with a breakdance...I mean breakdown that lead to this strategy:
And while I've been following this strategy somewhat, I haven't been entirely. So here's what's what.
I have NOT been exercising 3+ days a week with a friend. I started out so strong and then derailed. I have not actually exercised in over a week now. I have been, however, using the morning to write and be creative. So in that regard, I AM doing what I said I would.
Next, I said Saturday and Sunday were to be specially designated for sensual pleasure and shop-prep-play. That hasn't been the case entirely. This has proven to be an unrealistic strategy for me to maintain relentlessly. I am committed to sensual pleasure...it just doesn't have to occur specifically on Saturday.
I DARE you to tweet that!
As for a piggy bank for savings and paying off debt. That shit is not happening. But I am selling a house that I've been holding on to for a past partner (current friend). I won't go into the details other than to say my loyalty and commitment to agreements I make with others sometimes creates a personal detriment for myself. This recognition is result of my inner work. So I'll be paying off debt and putting some dollas in the bank, yo! Soon.
Now to address that old hag of a pattern that fears responsibility. I am 100% stepping into my leadership role. Owning my shit and expressing myself FULLY.
Take that ya old hag~!
To complete the strategy assessment, I have created a few media pitches, talks, and articles AND I am now focused on writing a book. The book will serve as the foundation for all my programs and products that you will see birthed in the near future.
I'm creating AMPLOVEFY as a means of helping women identify themselves and leverage their unique gifts so they can create a (love) life they previously thought was not possible. To say I am excited about it is a massive understatement.
I suppose I should address the final confession from the video. Healing above all else.
Maybe growth and development doesn't "start" with healing but instead it's a part of it. I am willing to look at it from a circular perspective rather than a linear one. Nature is circular, or cyclical. Nature expand and contracts. I think I honor that as an aspect of my healing. This relates, too, to what I'm doing here with my stated commitments and the corresponding strategy I've created.
What if healing--which IS a part of my vision, doesn't look they way I think it should?
Maybe it is a result of remaining open rather than fixed or attached. One thing is for sure, it's not an intellectual pursuit. There's only so much I need to understand to heal. What there is to do with the knowledge I have cultivated over the last 7+ years is weave it together with my intuition (while remaining open to all possibilities), set the intention, and be deliberate and consistent in my actions.
This insight has lead me to being uber mindful of where my energy is spent. I'm now allowing attachments to dissolve and expectations to dissipate. I am willing to give up what I have held on to so fucking hard in order to heal.
I imagine THIS is what it means to be in integrity, spiritually. And THAT is my commitment above all else.
I'm ready for the change, the new season, the next chapter...BRING IT ON.