How to Heal

How to Heal

These steps will turn your pain around in 24 hours (or less)

For those of us who seek healing we oftentimes get stuck on the HOW. If you’re like me, you’ve done a lot of work to determine the WHAT, that is, what the “wound” actually is. If you haven’t done that yet, I teach a class on core wounds you’ll want to take before doing the following exercise. Knowing what’s at the core of our issues is comforting but just having the awareness isn’t enough.

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How's Your Relationship...with YOURSELF??

How's Your Relationship...with YOURSELF??

Self-esteem is something I used to struggle with BIG TIME.

For years, I did not think I was good enough to be the woman I fantasized about being living the life of my dreams. So while I set goals for myself and envisioned my life when I would reach them, subconsciously, I *knew* I couldn’t really get there. I didn’t deserve that kind of happiness and success. So I would sabotage my efforts and feel like shit about it and “cope” with food or booze or shopping (hello credit card debt!).

And then Lumpy came on the scene and eventually I had to deal with my self-image issues.

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At What Point Do You Say, "Enough is ENOUGH!!"?

At What Point Do You Say, "Enough is ENOUGH!!"?

For me that was this morning. I had just finished cleaning house. My hair was pulled back, I was wearing shorts and a sports bra and I stopped to look at my reflection in the mirror. 

I broke out in tears.

Not only am I too broke to have my deflated breast implant fixed, I can't even afford to spend money on a chicken cutlet. It looks like I've had a unilateral mastectomy. I can only imagine what women who HAVE had that surgery must feel like.

Then there's the fact that I have been living with a tumor for nine years. It's grown well past the point I said I would let it get to before agreeing to have surgery.

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The Literal Power of Your Emotions

The Literal Power of Your Emotions

Each level of consciousness coincides with determinable human behaviors and perceptions about life and God. Each level represents a corresponding attractor field of varying strength that exists beyond our three-dimensional reality. There’s a critical point within each level from which its field gravitates (or entrains). 

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The Birth of a Book (That Will Change Lives)

The Birth of a Book (That Will Change Lives)

I recognize the title of this blog post is bold. It's a lot to live up to, right? The reality is, I might fail miserably at writing this book...and I'm doing it anyway.  

I'm claiming this position because it's what I want to create.

I have a deep desire to create something that gives me great joy, honors my unique gifts and experiences, and offers something useful to others. I've spent this morning writing, as I often do. But this morning, my birthday, I asked to be shown what there is to do now ... and what revealed itself to me is this:

WRITE A BOOK ABOUT SELF LOVE (SELF WORTH)

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Commitment

If we commit ourselves to one person for life, this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather, it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession but participation.
— Madeleine L'Engle
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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Intimacy

Intimacy generally refers to being in a close personal association with another. It is a familiar and very close affective connection with someone as a result of a bond that is formed through knowledge and experience of the other.

Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialoguetransparencyvulnerability, and reciprocity.

The verb "intimate" means "to state or make known". The activity of intimating (making known) underpins the meanings of "intimate" when used as a noun and adjective. The noun "intimate" means a person with whom one has a particularly close relationship. The adjective "intimate" indicates detailed knowledge of a thing or person.

In human relationships, the meaning and level of intimacy varies within and between relationships

To sustain intimacy for any length of time requires well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness. Intimacy requires an ability to be both separate and together participants in an intimate relationship. Murray Bowen called this "self-differentiation". It results in a connection in which there is an emotional range involving both robust conflict and intense loyalty.

From a center of self-knowledge and self differentiation, intimate behavior joins family members and close friends as well as those in love. It evolves through reciprocal self-disclosure and candor. Poor skills in developing intimacy can lead to getting too close too quickly; struggling to find the boundary and to sustain connection; being poorly skilled as a friend, rejecting self-disclosure or even rejecting friendships and those who have them. 

Studies show that fear of intimacy is inversely related to comfort with emotional closeness and with relationship satisfaction, and directly related to loneliness and trait anxiety.

[From Wikipedia]

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

The New Normal - Five Steps to Transforming Your Life with Ease

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about 'The New Normal' or what I would describe as a new set-point for daily life.

A specific example of this from my own life is my fitness level. For months and months (and MONTHS) I tried to get consistent with diet and exercise and my yoga practice. I would journal about it and create strategies and and even post about my intentions publicly. And for months and months I failed at achieving the kind of results I wanted.

Today, however, I have even better results than I imagined for myself. So what gives? How did I go from an ongoing battle with myself - which would include a lot of guilt and frustration - to this New Normal where I am strong and lean and feeling really fucking great about myself - effortlessly choosing to eat clean and train at the gym almost every day?

I'll tell ya. And it's not as big of a deal as you might think. Follow these five steps and you will find yourself living a New Normal, too.

STEP 1: Clear Vision

This is the VERY FIRST THING YOU MUST DO to transform any area of your life. The question to ask yourself is, "What do I want to create?". If you don't know your WHAT you'll constantly be in a state of confusion, which is super draining, trust me.

Your WHAT must be deeply compelling. In other words, my WHAT was initially about "losing weight" but that wasn't compelling enough. Then it was "fitting into my clothes". Still not compelling enough. Eventually, my WHAT became "having more than enough energy to do all the things I want to do in a day and feel lean and strong and clear-headed".

If you want to transform your body or relationship or even travel the world, get clear about 'what you want to create' in that area and make sure it's compelling. That is, it has deep significant meaning for you and your experience of life.

STEP 2: Anchors Away

Now that you are connected to WHAT you want to create it's time to release the anchors. And by anchors, I mean the physical and emotional stuff that's weighing you down and keeping you stuck. Think of it like 'clearing clutter'. 

Where are you suppressing, resisting or avoiding? What coping mechanisms or distractions are you allowing to come between you and your desired outcome? What or who are you hanging onto that is no longer serving you?

We all have them. Usually, the most potent of these are emotional. We hold on to physical things and people and patterns of behavior because they keep us insulated (or 'safe') from our lower vibrational feelings. Emotions are powerful and some can be really uncomfortable and disruptive to our lives.

The best advice I can give here is JUMP.  Jump off the mother fucking cliff and see what happens. Yes, you might feel terrified and be in a free fall with the ground coming at you at a thousand miles an hour. I HAVE BEEN THERE. And you know what? You'll find that you have the capacity to FLY. You'll find your wings and soar like an eagle. It happens every time.

STEP 3: Success Set Up

After letting go of the stuff that's not supporting you and your WHAT, it's time to set up environments conducive to your success. This especially includes the people you surround yourself with. 

They say you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.

From my experience, this is a #truestory. In my case, my fitness game got amplified by the fact that my best girlfriend - a personal trainer and wellness consultant - moved in with me. I've also been dating men who are into fitness and yoga, eating well and making healthy lifestyle choices. So I'm surrounded by people who inspire and motivate me to be successful.

Not only are the people in your life indicative of your success, your environments play a huge role in it, too. Look around you. Your home - is it a reflection of you and what you want to feel? Or is there just a bunch of random stuff taking up space? What about your work environment? Are you among high-energy happy people who are stoked to be there? Or are things mind-numbing where you can't wait for the day to end? 

Remember this is all about creating YOUR NEW NORMAL so you may have to shatter some old norms to get to the new one. Stay connected to your WHAT and the decisions to break out will be less painful.

STEP 4: Consistent Actions

The key to creating any lasting transformation is consistency. Every action is a CHOICE. 

You have likely been choosing the same actions for a while and thus have the results you currently have. The good news is, when you choose to create a New Normal, you shift your actions and the results follow.

I used to struggle big time with being consistent in my work outs. I recognize now that I was not connected deeply to a compelling WHAT. So my lack of choosing to exercise on a daily basis was a natural response. Now, it's no-brainer to make time in my schedule for the gym, trail, and/or yoga. No 'force' is involved what-so-ever.

My coach helped me assimilate the concept of "where there is no consistency, there is suffering".  Yes, SUFFERING.

Pain and struggle are a part of life. Suffering doesn't have to be. It is a CHOICE.

Choose to do whatever you must to get clear about WHAT you want to create and the rest of these steps will be easy.

STEP 5: Evaluate + Refine + Grow

Ok. That's like three things in one step but they all work in harmony. As you create your New Normal it's imperative that you stay alert and evaluate your progress. Doing so without harsh judgements. Forgive yourself for any fuck-ups along the way. YOU'RE HUMAN. Check in with your support system to help you be objective with this.

Refine or tweak what needs adjustment. This is unavoidable. You will ultimately be growing and evolving in this process and what strategies are workable will, too. So just factor that shit in.

Your personal growth and transformation is the WHOLE POINT here. If you are not motivated to be a better version of yourself and live a more satisfying, fulfilling and badass life ...then stay where you're at. Not growing and evolving is the surest way to repeat the days, weeks, and years you've already lived. 

Plenty of people do it. I'm not one of them and I bet the people you admire aren't either. 

The bottom line is this. You have ONE LIFE. And it's super duper precious and short. You can stay in your current state of normalcy (which may be really great, btw) or you can look at where in your life you are ready to transform / up-level and make that shit happen.

This article is a 5-step process to support those who want a New Normal. I speak from lots of experience here - both in my own life and in my coaching practice. If you really really want a New Normal but don't think you can do it on your own, let's talk. I got you.

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Fast-Food Dating and Intimacy: What Not to Do If You're Newly Single

I've been feeling exceptionally needy lately. (Did I really just admit that??) I can't get enough attention. To the point I've been completely distracted from my work. I haven't written or really created anything viable in weeks. How's that for a #truthbomb ??

I've been relying on what I'm going to call "fast-food dating" (aka Tinder & Bumble) to sate my hunger for attention. It's no wonder I'm not experiencing the kind of deep connection I desire.

I knew April was going to be a month of upheaval and distortion but I wasn't prepared for just how wacky it would be or how much I would cling to what felt good. In addition to the astrological impact (have you read about the Scorpio full moon?) I've also started working with a shaman and a holistic doctor to continue my personal healing.

Let me tell you, this shit is *DEEP*.

What I've learned so far is that it's easy to ignore old wounds and seek validation and new "love" from others. It's not as easy to direct my attention inward and be with the wounds so they can heal... or give love and validation to myself.

But I'm working on it daily.

It's been about four months since the conclusion of my 5-year relationship with Matt. If you've been following my blog for sometime, you know that the biggest challenge for me was I didn't feel SEEN.

My desire (actually, this is a human need) for intimacy, connection, and sexual self-expression was all but unmet in that relationship.

So when I started dating again, I was showing up like: "SEE ME...SEE ME...SEE ME!"

Turns out that is NOT the best way to go about dating.

Talk about being 'needy'... and I consider myself pretty damn self-sufficient. I don't need a man to take care of me financially or in most other ways but I am recognizing my need for intimacy. And I get that freaks people out. At least early on...in a fast-food dating environment.

For a long time I've had the fear that no one would be able to see PAST the physical situation I'm dealing with. So when someone did, I got excited and hopeful and ...a little clingy. 

I thought, "Here's someone who's willing to see me... (excited)... and so I'm gonna show him all of me...(premature)...all at once. (foolish)"

Dumb move.

I was oblivious to my overzealous need to be seen and validated that I completely overloaded the spark and short-circuited the connection.

My best girlfriend said it best when she said, "Colette, you're intense. And woo woo."

What there is to get here is the love, intimacy, and validation I seek I must find within and give myself

I've made huge strides over the last eight years in overcoming issues with vanity, self-esteem, self-love, and self-expression - and it would seem there's more work to do.

So with regards to dating, for the time being, I'm just going to pin in it and circle back at a later date.

I'll use this opportunity to up-level the relationship I have with myself. I'll nurture and play with and love and explore what gives me pleasure - sans needing anyone else's validation, attention, or reciprocal participation.

I think this is an important part of being a healthy, happy human being. To be the source of our own self-worth and to unconditionally love ourselves - including our 'flaws' is a necessary foundation for being able to give and receive intimately with others.

I'm finding the relationship with Self requires as much (if not more) ongoing cultivation than the relationships we have with others.

If life truly is all about relationships, then having a super solid one with ourselves, ALL FIVE BODIES , is worth the investment.

 

 

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

THOUGHTS ON LOVE

Not all love relationships are meant to last a lifetime. Some are powerful short-term vessels for growth and awakening. Too often we settle for something that we have attached ourselves to -- and suffer as a result of that attachment. Do not confuse attachment for commitment. Be curious about love. Don't confine it to a single solitary relationship and expect it to thrive in that bubble.

Love...Trust...Honor YourSelf.

Be in a love relationship with yourSelf first and always. Do not give this up to be in one with someone else. If you have, re-establish the connection with you -- the source of all life in your very heart. From there, ask the question, "Does this other person truly see me?"

If the answer is no, it is not your job to teach them how to see you. The journey into "seeing" is each our own to go on. Allow them the space to find out who they truly are. When they recognize and connect to the source of all life in their very own heart they will then be able to see -- to love, to trust, and to honor themselves and others. 

It's ok that this journey may be taken without you. It may well be because of you.

Love...Trust...Honor YourSelf.

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport