How to Heal

How to Heal

These steps will turn your pain around in 24 hours (or less)

For those of us who seek healing we oftentimes get stuck on the HOW. If you’re like me, you’ve done a lot of work to determine the WHAT, that is, what the “wound” actually is. If you haven’t done that yet, I teach a class on core wounds you’ll want to take before doing the following exercise. Knowing what’s at the core of our issues is comforting but just having the awareness isn’t enough.

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At What Point Do You Say, "Enough is ENOUGH!!"?

At What Point Do You Say, "Enough is ENOUGH!!"?

For me that was this morning. I had just finished cleaning house. My hair was pulled back, I was wearing shorts and a sports bra and I stopped to look at my reflection in the mirror. 

I broke out in tears.

Not only am I too broke to have my deflated breast implant fixed, I can't even afford to spend money on a chicken cutlet. It looks like I've had a unilateral mastectomy. I can only imagine what women who HAVE had that surgery must feel like.

Then there's the fact that I have been living with a tumor for nine years. It's grown well past the point I said I would let it get to before agreeing to have surgery.

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Love vs. Fear

Two streams run side by side - so close to one another it's very easy to hop from one to the next. 

One stream is LOVE. It's clear, pure light, beautiful, peaceful...you float on this stream. 

The other stream is FEAR.  It's cloudy, cold, loud, and draws you downward as if being caught in a whirlpool. 

These streams flow within us and all around us.  The former dictates the latter.  Meaning, where we are within, so then is our outward experience. It is not the reverse. 

To tap into the LOVE current one must be AWARE of the duality of Love vs. Fear consciousness.  One must be HONEST about where they are now and OPEN to all possibilities.  TRUST that Grace is by your side and be HUMBLE and THANKFUL for ALL that is present.  

We CAN CHOOSE which stream to swim in... If you would like to swim in the current of LOVE...I will guide you to it.

THOUGHTS ON LOVE

Not all love relationships are meant to last a lifetime. Some are powerful short-term vessels for growth and awakening. Too often we settle for something that we have attached ourselves to -- and suffer as a result of that attachment. Do not confuse attachment for commitment. Be curious about love. Don't confine it to a single solitary relationship and expect it to thrive in that bubble.

Love...Trust...Honor YourSelf.

Be in a love relationship with yourSelf first and always. Do not give this up to be in one with someone else. If you have, re-establish the connection with you -- the source of all life in your very heart. From there, ask the question, "Does this other person truly see me?"

If the answer is no, it is not your job to teach them how to see you. The journey into "seeing" is each our own to go on. Allow them the space to find out who they truly are. When they recognize and connect to the source of all life in their very own heart they will then be able to see -- to love, to trust, and to honor themselves and others. 

It's ok that this journey may be taken without you. It may well be because of you.

Love...Trust...Honor YourSelf.

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colette davenport

Colette is an intimacy expert who loves helping married working moms stop struggling and start having the kind of marriage and family they know is possible. Her upcoming book, From Call Girl to Calling, is both a telling of Colette's story and a teaching of how to turn your obstacles into opportunities for growth and personal fulfilment. 

Confessions of a Sex Coach (video 2.2) "Hiding from You"

I'm just gonna cut to the chase with this one. I've been hiding from YOU because there's still stuff about ME that I don't love.

CLICK ON IMAGE TO WATCH VIDEO 2.2

Making the videos has already helped me be more authentic.  Check out the ORIGINAL video 2 to see what I mean.  Writing about this stuff would be helpful to a degree, but when I see myself I can tell when I'm holding something back.  

Since the whole point of this journey is to get completely aligned with my commitments and my calling (aka be 100% in integrity), it's going to require me to be BOLD.

So let's talk about HIDING.  Several years back I was in a Landmark course, I forget which one, and we did an exercise where half the participants got up and formed a line, shoulder to shoulder.  The remaining half formed another line just like the first so that we were all facing someone.  There was only 12 inches between our faces. 

To say that we were in each other's personal space is an understatement.  

For this exercise we were to be still and silent.  We were to look into the eyes of the person (stranger) across from us, and to just observe them.  How do you think it went?

We were reluctant, shifty, uncomfortable, laughing, trying to keep a straight face, not making eye contact...For the most part, we all had trouble 'being' with each other.

Why?

The course leader went on to say the exercise was to demonstrate how afraid we all are of being seen.  He suggested we all "just do what ya want" and "be who you are" because...

Tweet: everybody else is so concerned with what YOU think of THEM that they aren't actually paying attention to you. everybody else is so concerned with what YOU think of THEM that they aren't actually paying attention to you.

This has stuck with me ever since.  Revisiting this is helping me now to come out of hiding.

I think it will be useful to dissect WHY we hide and are walking around afraid of being seen.  And since these are my confessions, I'll use myself as the example.

Through out my life I have hidden what I don't love about myself.  At one point it was my small breasts.  At another stage it was (really, what I THOUGHT were) my not-so-small thighs. For a long time it was the fact that I worked as a call girl in my early 20's. And for an even longer time I hid my general discontent (that would often progress to depression).  Lately I've been hiding my face, well actually my neck -- which according to the chakra system, corresponds to communication and self-expression.

Hmmm... I haven't been fully expressing myself and now I have a growth drawing attention to that area? Interesting how this is all inter-woven, huh?

This kind of universal alignment is what my badass bestie, Allison, and I call WATERBOTTLES!  (ask me about this, it's a pretty cool story)

So what's up with all the lack of self-love?

I know for sure I'm not alone with this issue.  In fact, my intuition tells me it's an issue that crosses cultural, generational, racial, socio-economical, gender, and every other identifier we use to label ourselves.  In other words, it's an issue we face as HUMANS.

How curious.

We humans struggle with self-love and at the same time we are hungrily seeking love from and generously giving love to others.  Oh, and let's not forget we're afraid of being fully seen and are uncomfortable looking strangers in the eye or acknowledge their humanity.

Why?  Why don't we LOVE ourselves and all others equally?  Why isn't this way of being our default setting?

My guess is it's because we are not SEEING ourselves and others as HUMAN BEINGS.

Instead we're seeing 'characters' and 'stories' and 'labels' and 'differences'.

For example, instead of seeing myself all along as a (fucking miraculous) human being, I was seeing a flat-chested girl or a flabby-thighed girl or a call girl or a woman with a tumor... AND I was making myself 'bad', 'wrong', and 'unworthy' of my my own love because of all those (human experience) things.

HELLO, judgement!

This is what we do.  We do it with ourselves and with others.  I wonder what the world would be like if we all just saw ourselves as human beings having human experiences and granted ourselves unconditional LOVE ... no matter what.

That's what Imma do starting right about... NOW.

I suspect the more I love; the less I'll fear. Without fear (or being afraid) I bet I'll be more willing to be seen.  Watch me show my face, and speak my truth, and live my purpose, and fulfill my mission.  I'm starting to get that this is the kind of responsibility it takes to live in my vision.

What is my strategy for letting love rule? (<------ be sure to click that link!) The first thing that shows up for me is: "get it tattooed on ya!"  That way I'll always be reminded that love, specifically self-love, is fundamental for living the life I intend and envision.  

Another part of my strategy is to continue writing and revealing those hidden parts of me -- bring 'em outta the dark and into the light, as they say.  #nomorehiding This truly fits with my intention to live with integrity and lead by example.

And now for a challenge.  We'll start small. You ready? We'll do it together.

Go look in the mirror.  Take a deep breath.  See yourSelf, not your story or your character, but YOU (a miraculous fucking human being).  Now LOVE the shite outta YOU!

What's not to love???  That hair is SUPER love-able! ;-)

So that concludes this episode of Confessions of a Sex Coach.  Here's an update on my status based on my commitments and strategy since the last one:

  • Writing 5 days a week-- it's more like 4 days/week (room to grow)
  • Create/Send pitches, articles, etc-- YES! and I like it!
  • Exercise 3+ days/week with a friend-- YES! and I LOVE it!
  • Saving $20/week-- not yet (Hey!  I'm not perfect)
  • Saturday is pleasure-day-- Pleasure, yes.  Sex, no. But we're making progress!
  • Sunday is set myself up for success-day-- Yes and there's room for improvement.
  • 100% aware of the old pattern-- I can't say I'm 100% aware, but I am taking actions I wasn't before.
  • On track for being in alignment with my vision by 12/31/15-- HELL YES!

 

Cheers for taking the ride with me, ya'll! 

And incase you missed the first video/blog. HERE IT IS.

XOXO, cd

Waiting -- As If Tomorrow Will Always Come

Less than 24 hours ago I realized (with the help of my coach) that I have been WAITING for my life to get started...to get good.  What I want to experience: A strong, lean, balanced body...A passionate and playful love life with a man I'm excited to be with...A thriving multi-million dollar business with a world-wide reputation for delivering transformational results...A beautiful custom built modern home filled with friends and family...A ton of travel to places all over the world for work and play--that is, the VISION I have for my life at this stage --  I've been imagining but not acting on.  Or rather, not acting BOLDLY and CONSISTENTLY on.

Bold and consistent action.  This is my new mantra.  Sure, I could keep doing what I've been doing, mostly imagining--with sprinkles of action all tinted by a lack of confidence and a subconscious belief that what I want will never actually happen.  But then in a year or two when I've only progressed to the point of where I could've been in only a few short months (if I were taking bold and consistent action), I'll be frustrated and depressed that my life doesn't look the way I want it to.  Kinda like now.  

NO THANKS!

I want a BIG, BOLD, BADASS life.  One full of passion and meaning and contribution and travel and play and PEOPLE -- to work with, to play with, to grow with.

In coaching, my small, safe, boring bubble gets burst over and over again.  Sometimes that happens gently, and other times it's with a resounding BANG -- yesterday's coaching session was a big bang for me.

I fucking love you, Alicia Marie!  I am by far the best version of myself when I'm in coaching (and yes, I just keep getting better and better ;-).  My confidence has been amplified, this level of clarity makes everything, most importantly what actions to take, OBVIOUS.  As in: OF COURSE I should be working primarily with women, OF COURSE I need to be writing and sharing these observations all the time, OF COURSE I need to be on stage speaking to groups (dare I say large audiences?) of women.  

It's these things: clarity, confidence, and bold and consistent actions that will have me living IN my vision rather than imagining it as though its a far away galaxy to be dreamed about.

My vision of being a best-selling author, engaging speaker, and extraordinary coach with a thriving multi-million dollar business that has a world-wide reputation for delivering transformational results...and...my mission to elevate passion, pleasure, and play in the bedrooms of people everywhere by cultivating and supporting integrity, harmony, and vitality in each of us...may seem lofty (at the moment). But I'm super excited because I've got a badass coach who is committed to me manifesting that reality and an extraordinary support system (my tribe, you know who you are) keeping me accountable to it.  

I encourage every other woman (who's ready) to feel confident, powerful...big, bold, and badass in business and in the bedroom!

THIS is my focus.  My commitment.   My purpose.  It's what I'm here to do...starting with MYSELF.  Get ready to see and feel the energy IGNITE and ELECTRIFY anyone who's around me. 

No more small, safe, and boring from me...and whoever else is ready to be done with that shit -- let me know...I got something for ya!

xoxo--cd


The Alchemy of Love

You come to us from another world;

From beyond the stars and a void of space

Transcendent, pure – of unimaginable beauty.

Bringing with You the essence of Love.

You transform all who are touched by You –

Mundane concerns, troubles and sorrows dissolve in Your presence

Bringing joy to ruler & ruled, to peasants and kings.

You bewilder us with Your grace;

All evil is transformed into goodness.

You are the Master Alchemist!

You light the fire of Love in earth & sky,

In heart & soul of every being.

Through Your loving, existence & non-existence merge –

All opposites unite –

All that is profane becomes sacred again.

~Rumi


Comment

colette davenport

Colette is an intimacy expert who loves helping married working moms stop struggling and start having the kind of marriage and family they know is possible. Her upcoming book, From Call Girl to Calling, is both a telling of Colette's story and a teaching of how to turn your obstacles into opportunities for growth and personal fulfilment. 

My Vision

I envision a world where a DEEP UNDERSTANDING of our human nature allows us to open up to ourselves and others with EASE.  We connect to the GREAT LOVE that encourages us to tune into our masculine and feminine energies, LETTING GO at once of judgement and expectation, and we AUTHENTICALLY APPRECIATE the strength, beauty, sensuality, creativity, and INSANE FUCKING HARMONY of our breath, body, mind, and spirit.