I'm feeling a really interesting buzz today. I spent some time meditating in the tub this morning. I'm also reading 2 books by Dr. David R. Hawkins, Power vs. Force and Letting Go. (these are 2 of the 3 books I'm reading at present) The insight I'm getting is all about SURRENDER.
My confession today is this:
When it comes to energy and emotion (which is just energy IN motion), I've been in a pattern of Express, Suppress, Escape, and Avoid. The result of which is a sludge-like experience in my body and cloudiness in my mind and, I suspect, the lack of flow/abundance in my coaching practice.
Express- The Confessions series is an example of this. I also have moments with Matt in which I reveal my deepest desires and fears. The trouble, however, comes when I only partially express (keeping the real depth hidden) or I fail to follow through on that expression.
Suppress- This is a conscious choice to keep shit to myself or bury it...or in my case, swallow it. This is a very dangerous and debilitating practice. It is the result of on-going fear, shame, guilt and so on. Suppression of feelings (energy/emotions) is the root cause of many, if not all, illness. Yep. I just said that.
Escape- This is probably really familiar to everyone... we normalize escape through television watching, alcohol and drugs, over- or emotional-eating, excessive sleep, meaningless sex, mindless shopping and the like. Each of which I have had personal relationships with. They don't ultimately work, trust me. That thing we're trying to escape? It's still there.
Avoid- Now this is a tricky one. Avoiding can appear like we're doing good. This is the passionate work-aholic, the devoted doting mom, the super fit guy/gal. We all admire these people. It's culturally popular to DO all these things. If we look closely, however, it's very likely each of them is NOT actually feeling what there is to feel. They're not addressing something within the inner-most aspect of themselves. That's why they seek satisfaction in external experiences. Personally, I've avoided facing myself (and addressing my stuff) by trying to "help" others. The problem in that is I show up with my "stuff" coloring the landscape of the interaction. This limits my ability to be of great service to people.
When I look at this, it becomes evident that no matter how intent I am on "making it happen" or manifesting my vision, if I don't address the energy crisis I will not succeed. That's where the concept of "surrender" comes in.
Letting go is not an action inasmuch as it is a quality. In other words, there's nothing I have to DO to experience surrender. Of course, there are practices that will support this way of being like meditation, yoga, breathwork, etc. But the true essence of surrender is a state of being.
When I talk about states of being, I am referring to joy, love, peace, as well as fear, helplessness, anxiety. These are all examples of states we humans experience. The common misconception around states of being is we think there's something we have to DO to experience them. Not true. That's GOOD NEWS, friends! You can be in the shittiest circumstances and, through surrender, immediately experience peace. You can be all bogged down with worry and stress and surrender in the moment, and literally in an instant, feel love or hope.
This is the new addition to my strategy for manifesting my vision. Surrender.
Here are a few words from my morning journal sesh that followed my meditation:
Express, Suppress, Escape, and Avoid. This has been my pattern. I am here-by breaking it on behalf of my intention to heal. I now surrender to what is. I now let go of the past and present feelings and thoughts that contribute to that pattern. I now release the sludge from my body and the blocks from my energy field. I now command the clouds to clear from my mind and all of my body's systems to instantly restore to their optimal functions. I am now willing to be the source for all my needs and wants. I am now willing to surrender to God and Goddess and Universal Mind. I am now willing to to be guided by the Great Force, Nature herself. I am now FREE.
I realize this post may be a little "out there" for some people. That's a-ok. Since the purpose of the Confessions project is my own growth and healing, I'm not sharing this to get popularity points. I trust that my public display of personal growth is doing some good beyond my own limited experience. And just as a heads-up, if you are human you have "stuff" that resides in your inner-most Self that wants to be addressed. Consider that you are here to do just that. :)
Thanks for allowing me this expression of mySelf.