These steps will turn your pain around in 24 hours (or less)
For those of us who seek healing we oftentimes get stuck on the HOW. If you’re like me, you’ve done a lot of work to determine the WHAT, that is, what the “wound” actually is. If you haven’t done that yet, I teach a class on core wounds you’ll want to take before doing the following exercise. Knowing what’s at the core of our issues is comforting but just having the awareness isn’t enough.
When we’re truly ready to heal, we call forth a crisis.
That horrible thing that happened? You called it to you.
A crisis is needed because it provokes the wound and stirs all the feelings associated with it. You know, the stuff we normally try to avoid. During a crisis we do one of two things, we either break down and stay down or we break down and break through. Breaking through means healing.
The breakthrough (healing) occurs when you see the wound for what it is, you let yourself feel the feelings (instead of avoiding them), you reintegrate the cast-offs, and you restate the facts.
Here’s how to do that.
See the wound for what it is.
Your wound is your greatest teacher. You received this unique-to-you wound when you were young so you could learn who you are, use your power to heal, and grow or evolve as a human being.
The wound is buried pain inside of you that is waiting for your attention. It’s what get’s provoked when something upsetting happens. The upset can be acute, like when someone you’re into sends you a text saying they’re not into you and you feel rejected. Another example of an acute flare-up is when your mom says she forgot about the plans you had to spend the weekend together decorating her new house, making you feel angry.
The anger and the rejection are what there is to focus on in these situations. Feelings, not the details of the situation, are the key points to help you heal. They are the indication that your wound has been provoked. If the anger and fear of rejection weren’t buried inside of you neither of these situations would evoke the responses they did. You’d be cool as a cucumber.
Feel the feelings associated with the wound.
As mentioned above, the feelings are the keys to healing. Normally, we attempt to avoid the uncomfortable feelings or sensations in our body. We do things to numb them like watch tv, eat comfort foods, drink, smoke, take drugs, and so on.
I’m suggesting to lean into them instead. Sit still or walk around depending on the energy you’re feeling and tune your awareness to your body. Where do you feel the sensation? Try describing it either out loud or in a journal.
Talk to the feeling. Yes, for real.
Here’s an example of what I mean. Let’s say I got that text from the guy I was excited about dating. My wound, that includes fear of rejection, had me feeling anxiety. I felt it in my gut. I asked it, “What is this feeling?” The answer was fear and disappointment. Then I asked, “What are you telling me?” The answer, “I’m not good enough”...or more specifically, “I’m an ugly, disgusting waste of time.” (my wound) When you get to that deep pain, you know you’ve hit your wound.
From here, you can see the wound for what it is and process the pain quickly, healing yourself.
Call back the cast-offs.
Once you’ve softened the intensity of the pain (anger, anxiety, fear, etc) by feeling it and assessing its purpose you’re better able to begin reclaiming the parts of you formerly cast off. What about yourself did you think was “ugly” or “disgusting”? Love those parts. If you hated your feet, for instance, give them your heart-felt attention and affection. Maybe gift yourself a pedicure.
Now investigate the rest of the wound. It’s there to teach you how to return to wholeness so whatever you’ve deemed unworthy about yourself, it’s time to embrace it and reintegrate it.
Think about the word “healed”, it’s related to the word “whole” and “holy”. So your wound is a spiritual one. Part of your spiritual journey is to love yourself unconditionally. And by that, I mean you gotta get down with the parts of you that you think are ugly, disgusting, and all-together unlovable and LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF THEM.
Restate the facts.
Here’s the part where you get to reprogram your beliefs about yourself. If the wound is a story you told yourself about yourself as a child and you have believed it to be true and factual all these years, subconsciously of course, then it’s high time you bust that belief and restate the facts.
Let’s use my lovely wound to demonstrate.
“I’m an ugly disgusting waste of time.” That’s some pretty harsh shit. And it’s been a subconscious belief (aka buried pain) impacting my conscious thoughts and behaviors since childhood. Ouch. As a woman on a mission to heal myself and help others do the same, it would certainly be more productive to have powerful (not painful) subconscious beliefs.
Restating the facts and reminding myself of the real truth is one way to do that.
Here’s what I’m going with: “I’m a beautiful magnetic woman people love to be with.”
Ok. Your turn. Use these four steps to turn your crisis into gold. I believe this is how we heal our wounds and become the powerful, creative, loving creatures we’re capable of being. If each of us accepted individual responsibility for our own well-being, joy and ability to love, imagine what our relationships would be like. Imagine what our world would be like.
That possibility is what drives me.