Sometimes situations seem really fucking difficult. But if you stop and "think" about it with presence and compassion (which are typically functions of the heart, rather than the head) the difficulty is a result of our attachment to certain beliefs. The thing about beliefs is this: they have enormous implications on how we see the world. My perspective of the world is shaped by my beliefs, which to a large degree were formed from my childhood experiences. I suppose this is true for most of us. I consider myself to be an explorer and as such I have spent a great deal of my life exploring the usefulness of certain beliefs, dismantling some and creating others. Also, I'm a huge advocate of being curious of one's beliefs, or as I like to say, "making space for new beliefs". But do you know how our beliefs are formed? Consider this possibility: A belief is formed when "something happens" and we experience a "strong emotion". When this occurs over and over that belief is deeply engrained in our psyche. It's as though that belief is the TRUTH. Keep in mind, we all have very different experiences and therefore we all have a different sense of what truth is.
Personally, what I'm exploring today is the belief that having money alleviates the FEAR of pain and suffering. Is this true? Some may say yes, others would say hell no! But there's a deeply engrained neurological pathway in my mind that "believes" that's true. I imagine this comes from seeing my parents argue and stress about money when I was really young. I won't go into the details of my memories of the experience, but I bet a lot of people can relate. (if not to your parents struggle with money then what was the source of tension when you were young?) I can imagine that little girl version of myself thinking, "If we had enough money, mommy and daddy wouldn't fight." and therefore, "When I grow up I need enough money so I won't be sad or afraid." And, by the way, I have no idea what my parents were really struggling with. The child Colette made it about money and equated the anger, sadness, and fear to that and that alone. In the developing mind of that child getting enough money was a struggle and not having it was very painful.
How has this belief played out in my life? Well, for one, I have a steadfast "requirement" that if I'm going to be in a relationship, my partner must be able to support us financially. That doesn't mean I don't want to work. I LOVE the work I do being a facilitator for others' personal evolution...it's when I feel most purposeful and alive. But in the past I have done work that was solely for the purpose of having enough money. I've also entertained the idea of a sugar daddy to supplement my income. (keep in mind I'm very open sexually and that seemed like a cool "friends with benefits" arrangement) However, my current exploration is of the FEAR of not having enough money. Is it true that I will experience pain and suffering if a certain minimum is not met? If I use the past experiences, including those of more recent years then the answer is "Yes". That totally fits with my world view, my TRUTH. But if I challenge that belief and make space for a new belief what could be possible? What if I gave up the attachment to my partner needing to be the one who pays our living expenses? Is it possible that my income would increase? What if I released the FEAR I have around money and instead experienced EASE? Even when I only generate revenue that's 50% of my budgeted expense. Even when my partner considers taking a pay cut to follow his passion. What if I experienced ease around money NO MATTER WHAT?
This is my practice... to experience EASE...for my personal health and the health of my relationship. (ya'll know fear ain't healthy) I'm exposing myself here because it's something I choose to transform. I also mean to pull back the curtain and reveal what our attachments to our beliefs do to us. I'm not saying all beliefs are harmful. What I am saying is the next time you find yourself in a situation (with your partner, kids, parents, colleagues, or yourself) that seems really fucking difficult take a look at your beliefs. What are you so attached to it hurts? (pain and suffering) That's what make situations difficult. Just ask yourself: Are you willing to examine and change YOUR beliefs to alter your experience of a situation?
Reveal to Heal...