Confessions of a Sex Coach (video 6)

Today's confession is a "buy one get 3 free" situation.  What a deal!

Be sure to WATCH the video before reading the blog post or you might not get it.

Click image to watch video

I'm a day late with this post.  Not because I forgot or because I'm lazy, but because I had the great pleasure of working with clients that filled my schedule yesterday. Sure, I could've stayed late and pushed something out for you guys, but that's not how I roll.

Also, since we're about 2 months into a 6-month program, now is a good time to assess what's what. A lot has happened over the last 60 days and some of it is right in line with what I intended and some of it isn't.

My biggest "goal" is to establish integrity.  I have a vision in my mind of what my ideal life looks like, inclusive of who I am being, what I'm doing and the results of that.  I started this project confessing that my reality was NOT in alignment with my vision. Take a look at what Confession #1 revealed:

  • I suck at being consistent -- with exercise, clean eating, paying down debt, writing, etc.  
  • I've never actually had a bonafied business before and I'm not sure I can hack it as an entrepreneur.
  • Inner conflict #1: I want help/support with the day-to-day and I feel like I have to do it all myself. 
  • Inner conflict #2: I want to speak/present to large audiences and I'm scared shitless to be seen. 
  • I haven't had sex in months. (how's that for a confession?)  

I followed this with a breakdance...I mean breakdown that lead to this strategy:

And while I've been following this strategy somewhat, I haven't been entirely. So here's what's what.

I have NOT been exercising 3+ days a week with a friend.  I started out so strong and then derailed.  I have not actually exercised in over a week now.  I have been, however, using the morning to write and be creative. So in that regard, I AM doing what I said I would.

Next, I said Saturday and Sunday were to be specially designated for sensual pleasure and shop-prep-play.  That hasn't been the case entirely.  This has proven to be an unrealistic strategy for me to maintain relentlessly.  I am committed to sensual pleasure...it just doesn't have to occur specifically on Saturday.

Confession: Sensual Self-Pleasure is actually a BIG part of my creative process. 

I DARE you to tweet that!

As for a piggy bank for savings and paying off debt.  That shit is not happening. But I am selling a house that I've been holding on to for a past partner (current friend).  I won't go into the details other than to say my loyalty and commitment to agreements I make with others sometimes creates a personal detriment for myself. This recognition is result of my inner work.  So I'll be paying off debt and putting some dollas in the bank, yo!  Soon.

Now to address that old hag of a pattern that fears responsibility.  I am 100% stepping into my leadership role.  Owning my shit and expressing myself FULLY.

Take that ya old hag~!

To complete the strategy assessment, I have created a few media pitches, talks, and articles AND I am now focused on writing a book.  The book will serve as the foundation for all my programs and products that you will see birthed in the near future.

I'm creating AMPLOVEFY as a means of helping women identify themselves and leverage their unique gifts so they can create a (love) life they previously thought was not possible. To say I am excited about it is a massive understatement.

I suppose I should address the final confession from the video.  Healing above all else.

Maybe growth and development doesn't "start" with healing but instead it's a part of it. I am willing to look at it from a circular perspective rather than a linear one. Nature is circular, or cyclical. Nature expand and contracts. I think I honor that as an aspect of my healing.  This relates, too, to what I'm doing here with my stated commitments and the corresponding strategy I've created.

What if healing--which IS a part of my vision, doesn't look they way I think it should?

Maybe it is a result of remaining open rather than fixed or attached. One thing is for sure, it's not an intellectual pursuit.  There's only so much I need to understand to heal. What there is to do with the knowledge I have cultivated over the last 7+ years is weave it together with my intuition (while remaining open to all possibilities), set the intention, and be deliberate and consistent in my actions.  

This insight has lead me to being uber mindful of where my energy is spent. I'm now allowing attachments to dissolve and expectations to dissipate. I am willing to give up what I have held on to so fucking hard in order to heal.

I imagine THIS is what it means to be in integrity, spiritually.  And THAT is my commitment above all else.

I'm ready for the change, the new season, the next chapter...BRING IT ON.


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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Confessions of a Sex Coach (video 4)

If you didn't get a chance to watch and read the last episode I recommend doing that first.  Heck, if you haven't seen episodes 1 through 3 go back and do that! ;-) 

In today's confession, I am sharing where I'm at currently and why.  This may appear contrary to the last episode, but it's not.  All things are connected.

Click image to watch video

The American culture doesn't value self-care as highly as it does "work".  In fact, when we think of self-care we tend to think of vacations and massages and the like. It may help, therefore, to language this in a different way...a way our Americanized brains won't judge as some sort of reward for having done the "real work".  Be assured, what I speak of is most certainly WORK.

Try this:

  • Self work
  • Inner work
  • Primary work
  • Personal work
  • Personal development

What would YOU call it?  Come up with something that your thinking can assimilate in a positive and empowering way.

I imagine we will eventually evolve to value this kind of "work" like we have fitness. Fitness wasn't immensely popular and cool and a part of most people's routines a few decades ago.  But look how hot and sexy it is now.  

Oh, and guess what?  It's a form of self-care.

The point is, to be the very best version of myself and to manifest the Big, Bold, Badass vision I have requires some inner work and self-care.

I have taken the time since last Friday to focus my energy on the messages and their meanings that come from being still and silent.  Interestingly, this is all occurring as Venus goes Retrograde. (actually, it's not interesting to me at all since I am super sensitive to planetary happenings)

Side note: Over the last week, in this introspective, receptive space I have had more clients than the previous 3 weeks combined.  

In the last confession, I talked about sales and revenue and building a business.  I indicated that these have been challenging for me and that to become fluent in that language would require me to grow and "Step into the shoes of the Warrior archetype".  

The Warrior is someone who goes after what she wants, who controls and commands to achieve her goals.  The energy is very much an effort-filled one.  The Warrior sees the world (or their respective industry) as a place to conquer.  Many business moguls are this archetype.

By contrast, the Lover archetype will allow the Universe to provide for her.  She is always receptive and engages the present moment as a unique gift.  She, by virtue of her inviting nature, is the ultimate host for intimate gatherings...of people, of ideas, of energy and resources.  Many healers are Lovers, archetypically speaking.

I've been pursuing a theory that we each have all four fundamental archetypes within us.  They take up residence in a specific order.  Primary, secondary, tertiary, quaternary.

As a reminder the 4 types are:

  1. Lover
  2. Warrior
  3. Mystic/Magician
  4. Queen/King

And there are many, many others that are extension of these, of course.

In my theory, the FULLEST expression of our individual human being-ness comes from activating all 4 archetypes.  This means that we must develop the qualities within ourselves that don't necessarily come easy.  

That's the inner work.

I know I can sit back and let the Lover do her thang, healing and live a lovely life of ease and grace.  

AND I have a massive vision that needs the Warrior in me to step up.

I've been driven by the notion that the way I am to serve the planet is by ushering in a new-found awareness for the importance of intimacy and connection among people -- starting with the individual and primary relationships. (I mean seriously, am I the LOVER or what!?! lol) 

I see sex as a vehicle (among other things) for full self-expression.  It can be a joy-filled, pleasure-rich, magical, transformational experience IF we allow ourselves to SEE it as such. (click to tweet!)

I can envision this way of being with sex facilitating healing on a primal level.

I see this healing not only our bodies...and there are SO MANY OF US dealing with illness, pain, and suffering...but our minds, hearts, and souls as well. Which is precisely what the world needs.  BADLY.

The problem is we don't SEE ourselves as connected to one another or nature and her inhabitants. A glaring example is the killing of Cecil the lion and other trophy hunts like it.

It is possible that this ugly experience had to occur for us to start to see ourselves and the world around us differently.

Think about it, 15 years ago there was no Facebook so something like what we're witnessing now could have (and certainly did) happen without any global awareness and impact.  The internet, as a unifying tool, has created a massive-scale awareness for the blatant disregard for life.  So we can come together and correct the injustice, if we choose.

If we were truly evolved people, however, we wouldn't shame and destroy these offenders.  We would come together to help heal them. What torment must they possess in their minds, hearts, and souls to consciously choose to murder animals for sport?

I do understand the destruction from shame can be a catalyst for healing and self-discovery.  Just like illness can be what causes someone to awaken to a more purposeful and conscious way of life. So maybe there's actually good and purpose in all the disease our planet is enduring?

We can only change how we're being if we do the inner work and choose to SEE the symbolism in the pain and suffering.

Drugs and surgery and shame and destruction.  These are not the answers.

While we are getting closer to healing, we sure as hell are taking our time to evolve. Inner work, intimacy with the Self, connection and the on-going experience of love for self and others and the world around us...  

These are the answers.

I know this has been a hodge-podge of a blog post so thank you for taking the time out of your beautiful life to hear me.  

I'll tie it all together by saying this:

I am the Lover and I'm here to usher in greater awareness of the importance of love, intimacy, and connection -- on whatever scale I can manage.  I am in the process of developing my skills as the Warrior to be BIG in the world and spread the message far and wide (conquering some hate and fear along the way!)...

AND I NEED YOUR HELP.

My Big, Bold, Badass request is that YOU do your own inner work (aka self-care) and seek to know your greatest gifts.  

I am here to support you and be the "side-kick to your SUPER HERO" if you want me to.

With bigtime graciousness, 

Colette.





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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

13 Sex-Drive Killers To Be On The Look Out For

Taken from medicinenet.com, the following are some contributors to a less-than-fabulous sex life.  How many would you say fit your profile?

Sex-Drive Killers:

1. Stress

The body does not react well to stress. Emotional stress may affect physical function, including sexual desire and performance. Realizing what underlying stressors may exist is the first step in treatment. Consider stress management practices such as yoga, massage, and meditation to help relieve the burden.

2. Partner

Sexual desire requires two to tango. Both partners need to feel connected and women especially need the feeling of being close. Poor communications, a sense of betrayal, lack of trust, and repeated fighting and criticism may create a relationship that lacks closeness and intimacy. Coaching may be the answer if couples find that the issues are too tough to resolve on their own.

2. Alcohol

Alcohol is usually not the answer to any problem. While alcohol may decrease inhibitions, it also decreases sexual performance and libido. Your partner may not appreciate a drunken advance and may be turned off by it.

4. Too Little Sleep

As with any physical activity, a rested body increases performance. Lack of sleep, including lack of proper sleep, may be the culprit that decreases sex drive. Sleep apnea is a potential cause for lack of good sleep and lack of libido. 

5. Having Kids

Being a parent is a full-time job and you need carve out time without a child or baby around. Planning quiet time for intimacy and sexual desire may require some creative thinking, like having sex when the baby naps, or hiring a babysitter so mom and dad can have a play date.

6. Medication

Side effects of many prescription medications include loss of libido and sex drive. Some examples include:

  • High blood pressure medications including water pills and beta blockers
  • Cold medications that contain antihistamines and decongestants
  • Antidepressants
  • Birth control pills
  • Narcotic pain pills
  • Chemotherapy drugs

7. Poor Body Image

Sexy is as sexy feels. Many people have low self-esteem when it comes to their body shape and this can affect their sex drive and desire. Being happy with yourself is an important first step. A supportive partner always helps or working with a coach to transform self-image can be a great tool.

8. Obesity

Obesity affects one-third of all Americans and being overweight can limit desire because of decreased sexual enjoyment, lack of performance, and poor self-esteem. How you feel about yourself goes a long way in affecting how you enjoy sex. Hiring a health coach may be helpful.

9. Low T

While a man's testosterone level gradually falls with aging, there is not necessarily any relationship between hormone levels and the desire for sex. It is just one potential cause for decreased libido and you may want to look for other causes in addition to just low testosterone (“low T”).

10. Erection Problems

Erectile dysfunction (ED) can not only affect the ability to have intercourse but also how a man feels about his ability to perform. There are many options available to treat ED and as a sex coach, I often work with men seeking a drug-free solution.

11. Depression

Depression affects all facets of life including sex drive. Losing pleasure in daily activities often requires treatment including counseling and perhaps medication. Unfortunately, some antidepressants also depress libido.  Exercise is a natural anti-depressant.  Eating a clean, unprocessed diet will also boost levels of feel-good hormones.

12. Menopause

Menopause may cause physical changes that affect intercourse, including vaginal dryness and pain with intercourse (dyspareunia). Natural treatments are available to enhance sexual desire and function after menopause.

13. Lack of Closeness

Making love is more than just sex. Intimacy and closeness are important part of a healthy love life. If sexual desire is waning, it may be time to inject romance back in the relationship. Snuggling, giving each other massages and spending casual time together may help ignite that spark.

Want to know how to turn things around?  Evaluating and strategizing are two main components of my coaching program...Contact me today for a FREE INTIMACY EVALUATION to get things moving in the direction you desire!



16 Reasons to Have Sex Daily

Stressed, burdened with life's difficult problems and fear that your health is declining? Then sex is the answer to happiness, longevity and a healthy body. You don't agree?

Well, here is a list of the health benefits of sex, so do it daily to experience complete pleasure. These are 16 reasons to have sex today!

1. De-stress Sex helps you reduce stress. When deep breathing exercises fail to de-stress you, sex will do the job. During sex your body produces dopamine, a substance that fights stress hormones, endorphins, aka "happiness hormones" and oxytocin, a desire-enhancing hormone secreted by the pituitary gland. In a study, published in the Public Library of Science journal, three neuroscience researchers conducted a test on male rats and found that the sexually active rats were less anxious than rats with no sexual activity.

2. Great Form of Exercise Making love is a form of physical activity. During intercourse, the physiological changes in your body are consistent with a workout. You must have noticed that the respiratory rate rises, which means you get tired. Hence, you burn calories. If you have sex three times a week for 15 minutes (but we know you can do better than that) you'll burn about 7500 calories in a year. That's the equivalent of jogging 75 miles! Heavy breathing raises the amount of oxygen in your cells, and the testosterone produced during sex keeps your bones and muscles strong.

3. Lowers High Blood Pressure Hugs and sex can improve your blood pressure. Sex reduces diastolic blood pressure, that is, the bottom number while reading blood pressure. Researchers with the University of Paisley conducted an experiment on the same. They concluded that sex improves blood pressure.

4. Builds Your Immunity Trying to fight the sniffles? Sex is the answer to fight cold and other health problems; sex can boost your immunity. Immunoglobulin A, an antigen that fights the flu increases when the frequency of sex increases.

5. Makes You Look Younger Making love three times a week can make you look 10 years younger, claims a Scottish researcher. "It's good for you to have good sex," says David Weeks, a clinical neuropsychologist at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, whose study on the effects of sex on aging appears in his book, Secrets of the Superyoung.

6. Healthy Heart Sex helps you burn calories but it can also improve your heart. Sex will stave off stroke and heart attacks, you just have to enjoy the moment. Scientists with New England Research Institute examined the effect of sex on the heart. The study concluded that men are 45 percent less likely to experience cardiovascular diseases. But the study fails to study the effect of sex on a woman's heart. (Hmmmmm)

7. Pain Relief Pleasure is the measure to override the pain. Do you experience migraines and body pain? Well sex is the answer. But if you experience back pain, it is best to consult a doctor. Dr. George E. Erlich, an arthritis specialist from Philadelphia conducted a study on the link between arthritis and sex. He narrows down that patients who engaged in sex experienced less pain.

8. Builds Trust and Intimacy Love making spikes the hormone oxytocin; this hormone is responsible for your happiness and love. If your feel your relationship is falling out, there is trust or you're worried that your partner will stray away, then make love! and dispel these doubts. The hormone oxytocin builds trust and brings couples closer.

9. Reduces Risk of Cancer Regular ejaculation reduces your chances of developing prostate cancer. In an Australian study men who ejaculated 21 times a month were least likely to develop cancer. It is further supported by other researches that sexual intercourse reduces the risk of prostrate cancer.

10. Stronger Pelvic Muscles Sex involves the use of several muscles; hence regular sexual intercourse can help you develop stronger pelvic muscles. Further, since the act of sex involves a range of muscles, it also helps strengthen these muscles - for ex: quads, your core, and the upper back. Through regular sex, you can also maintain a strong bladder and bowel function. Strong muscles, calorie burner, improves heart health - sex seems to take care of you.

11. Prostate Protection Most of the fluid you ejaculate is secreted by the prostate gland. If you stop ejaculating, the fluid stays in the gland, which tends to swell, causing lots of problems. Regular ejaculation will wash those fluids out and ensure the well being of your prostate until old age. Problems may also occur when you suddenly change the frequency of ejaculations.

12. Induces Sleep After that great, lovely workout you are bound to get good sleep. But guess what? Sex works the same way as exercise. The increased heart rate leads to increased post-coital relaxation. Sex could be the next thing for insomniacs! So what really happens: - Sex can relax you, hence if you are already tired, the act of sex will induce sleep. - When men ejaculate they become lethargic, this can make them sleepy.

13. Regular Periods Apparently sex can improve your menstrual cycle. Sex regulates hormones, which in turn regulate the menstrual cycle. Sex reduces stress, which is one of the reasons women miss their periods. Sex seems like a better option than pills.

14. Prevents Erectile Dysfunctions Fifty per cent of men older than 40 suffer from erectile dysfunctions and all young men fear the moment when they won't be able to get it up any more. The best medicine against impotence is...sex. An erection keeps the blood flowing through your penile arteries, so the tissue stays healthy. Plus, doctors compare an erection to an athletic reflex: the more you train the more capable you are to perform.

15. Live Longer A healthy heart, stronger muscles, increased circulation of oxygen and happiness are some of the factors that add life to the years and as a result - years to your life. A study published in the British Medical Journal reveals that men who engaged in sex often live twice as those who rarely had any action.

16. Healthier Semen If you're trying to conceive,  increasing the volume of semen through regular sex may be a good thing. Regular sex (or ejaculation) replaces old sperm in the testicles. If there is a long-term build up of sperm they can experience DNA damage.

Source: Prevent Disease 

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Pulling Back the Curtain

Sometimes situations seem really fucking difficult.  But if you stop and "think" about it with presence and compassion (which are typically functions of the heart, rather than the head) the difficulty is a result of our attachment to certain beliefs.  The thing about beliefs is this: they have enormous implications on how we see the world.  My perspective of the world is shaped by my beliefs, which to a large degree were formed from my childhood experiences.  I suppose this is true for most of us.  I consider myself to be an explorer and as such I have spent a great deal of my life exploring the usefulness of certain beliefs, dismantling some and creating others.  Also, I'm a huge advocate of being curious of one's beliefs, or as I like to say, "making space for new beliefs".  But do you know how our beliefs are formed?  Consider this possibility: A belief is formed when "something happens" and we experience a "strong emotion".  When this occurs over and over that belief is deeply engrained in our psyche.  It's as though that belief is the TRUTH.  Keep in mind, we all have very different experiences and therefore we all have a different sense of what truth is.

Personally, what I'm exploring today is the belief that having money alleviates the FEAR of pain and suffering.  Is this true?  Some may say yes, others would say hell no!  But there's a deeply engrained neurological pathway in my mind that "believes" that's true.  I imagine this comes from seeing my parents argue and stress about money when I was really young.  I won't go into the details of my memories of the experience, but I bet a lot of people can relate.  (if not to your parents struggle with money then what was the source of tension when you were young?) I can imagine that little girl version of myself thinking, "If we had enough money, mommy and daddy wouldn't fight."  and therefore, "When I grow up I need enough money so I won't be sad or afraid."  And, by the way, I have no idea what my parents were really struggling with.  The child Colette made it about money and equated the anger, sadness, and fear to that and that alone.  In the developing mind of that child getting enough money was a struggle and not having it was very painful.  

How has this belief played out in my life?  Well, for one, I have a steadfast "requirement" that if I'm going to be in a relationship, my partner must be able to support us financially.  That doesn't mean I don't want to work.  I LOVE the work I do being a facilitator for others' personal evolution...it's when I feel most purposeful and alive.  But in the past I have done work that was solely for the purpose of having enough money.  I've also entertained the idea of a sugar daddy to supplement my income.  (keep in mind I'm very open sexually and that seemed like a cool "friends with benefits" arrangement)  However, my current exploration is of the FEAR of not having enough money.  Is it true that I will experience pain and suffering if a certain minimum is not met?  If I use the past experiences, including those of more recent years then the answer is "Yes". That totally fits with my world view, my TRUTH.  But if I challenge that belief and make space for a new belief what could be possible?  What if I gave up the attachment to my partner needing to be the one who pays our living expenses?  Is it possible that my income would increase?  What if I released the FEAR I have around money and instead experienced EASE?  Even when I only generate revenue that's 50% of my budgeted expense.  Even when my partner considers taking a pay cut to follow his passion.  What if I experienced ease around money NO MATTER WHAT?

This is my practice... to experience EASE...for my personal health and the health of my relationship. (ya'll know fear ain't healthy)  I'm exposing myself here because it's something I choose to transform.  I also mean to pull back the curtain and reveal what our attachments to our beliefs do to us.  I'm not saying all beliefs are harmful.  What I am saying is the next time you find yourself in a situation (with your partner, kids, parents, colleagues, or yourself) that seems really fucking difficult take a look at your beliefs.   What are you so attached to it hurts? (pain and suffering)  That's what make situations difficult.  Just ask yourself: Are you willing to examine and change YOUR beliefs to alter your experience of a situation?

Reveal to Heal...

cd

 





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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

The European Adventure of 2013

 

WISDOM was not the souvenir I was planning on bringing back from my winter holiday in Europe.  Italian leather boots and a raspberry beret would have been more to my liking.  Alas, we get what we get from our experiences.  My intentions of a wonderful conclusion to 2013 and a grand entrance into 2014 didn’t exactly go as anticipated.  The wisdom gained is, however, wonderful and the insights are probably exactly what I need to make the year ahead as brilliant as I envision it. 

Since I like to write about (it helps me process) and share my experiences with the world, here are some highlights of the insights.

 

Money, shoes, and sleep affect mood and attitude. 

Cash is resource that is necessary for navigating life with ease.  Without it, one must become a pro hurdle jumper.  Our inability to get cash from foreign ATMs resulted in hours on the phone with the bank, limiting our freedom and increasing our frustration.  A sense of freedom is one of the main draws to traveling the world that Matt and I share.  For future reference, get plenty of cash before going abroad. 

Shoes.  Is there such a thing as a stylish, comfortable, AND supportive shoe that can be worn all day and transition into something fab for evening?  I ask because I thought I found that shoe (boot, actually) but miles and miles of walking in a not-exactly-supportive shoe can really do a number on a girl’s feet, especially if she’s just getting past a chronic foot/ankle injury.  (I only packed one carry-on bag so my usual variety of shoes was not available to me.)  Therefore, I offer this challenge to footwear designers: If you make a line of shoes that feel like Nike cross-trainers and have the aesthetics of L.A.M.B. I will buy one of every design AND be your spokesperson.  Happy feet = happy traveler.  The reverse is true, too, as was evident on the days we trekked through London, Venice, Copenhagen, and Paris. 

A word about sleep.  I’m writing this article at 5am from my home in Texas.  I imagine my internal clock is still on Euro-time, which is cool with me because I have big intentions for this year and an early start is conducive to that.  However, whilst abroad my internal clock was not on Euro-time, making it tough to really get in a full day’s worth of sights and such.  Now I know jet lag played a minor role in that, but what played a major role in being knackered most of the trip was the fact that we hopped from country to country on early morning flights.  This would not be that big of a deal if we were staying near the airport, but we were waking up at 2:30 and 3:30 am to get to there on time.  (I’ll through in here that I wasn’t sleeping in the hours before getting up, probably because I was concerned I wouldn’t get up.)  Needless to say, being a zombie does not make for the best holiday.  The lesson here is taking the 6am flight doesn’t give you the whole day to play in your destination if you’re jet-lagged and haven’t slept the night before.  

 

Routine is not a bad word.

I used to think a routine was something I welcomed breaking while away from home.  I could blow off my morning meditation, skip the usual ritual of quiet “coffee and me” time, let slide the practice of yoga and exercise…allow myself the indulgence of yummy not-so-clean food that I normally wouldn’t eat, and hey, I’m in Europe so espresso throughout the day will take the place of green juice, right?  Hell-to-the-NO!  I need green juice (and yoga, and meditation, and exercise, and clean food, and solitude)!  My routine is my wellbeing platform from which I construct a joyful and pleasurable life.  Without these key aspects that fuel and nurture my body, mind, and spirit I am… less than fabulous.  Another way to say that would be “bitch”.  I found myself easily frustrated, anxious, and complaining.  I thought the people in London were rude.  Could it have been me projecting?  I love connecting with people, but to connect I need to be open.  The absolute best lesson I learned from the trip was that to be open, to really be ME, a wellness routine must be a part of my day.  Every day. 

 

If relaxation and romance are on the vacation agenda, don’t stuff 4 countries into 17 days.

That is, unless you get turned on by managing logistics, which I do not.  It’s also worth noting that while I was super excited to see family and friends, staying with others can put the kybosh on sexy time.  Even though  we were doing more together on vacation than at home (as in 24/7), Matt and I felt further apart much of the time.  We didn’t really have “us time” until the end of the trip and by then we pretty much wanted to just be home.  In years past, I have spent my winter holiday on the beach in Mexico.  I go to one place, plop down, rest, read, write, reflect, renew, and relax.  Now that is the recipe for romance.  And winter is the season that calls for such things.  All the movement and management of our European adventures would go so much more smoothly in the seasons that spawn such activity.  Thus, it is my pleasure to announce that from this day forward we intend to winter holiday on the beach and summer in Europe. 

 

Perspective is everything and we create our experiences exactly as we intend them.

So there I was with 4 days left to play in Paris.  There had been the cash thing, the lack of sleep, the aching feet, the grumpiness, the distance between Matt and I, and the general disconnection and dissatisfaction (mixed in with fun, family, and friends, of course).  I said to Matt, “Who are we being that’s creating THIS experience?”  We both know what we focus on grows stronger.  We had been focused on all that stuff.  All the hurdles.  And guess what? The hurdles kept showing up.  We had a lovely chat over a bottle of French wine renewing and restating our intentions and went to sleep.  We slept til nearly noon the next day.  I guess we needed it because when we woke we both felt relaxed and ready to enjoy our day, whatever it included.  We gave ourselves permission to just be where we were without needing to “get someplace” or see/do something.  We ended up having 3 full days of fun, feeling free and truly enjoying the city of Paris.  My feet were killing me and we didn’t have any cash, but we were together in the most romantic city in the world.  That’s what we focused on.

So I am thankful for the souvenirs: awareness, wisdom, and insight.  I am also thankful for my routine, for the comfort of my own bed and our cozy home, as well as my juicer, my car to get around in (vs. public transportation), and all the shoe options in my closet, especially the comfy supportive ones.

 

Oh, and I must confess…You bet your buns I got the Italian leather boots and raspberry beret, too!

 

Avec amour et gratitude,

Colette

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Types of Yoga

I've been asked a lot lately what the differences between Ashtanga and Anusara yoga are.  So below is a quick reference for all yoga "types".  In my Tantra Training program the yoga that is incorporated is Anusara-based, which has its roots in tantra philosophy.  If you're curious about tantra, yoga, or the mind-body-spirit connection contact me today for a complimentary exploratory call.

 

A Beginner's Guide to 8 Major Styles of Yoga

A brief look at different approaches to yoga and which suits your needs best.

by Kate Hanley

Skimming the yellow pages or the class schedule at your gym for a good yoga class can be a real exercise in confusion. How can you tell the difference between Anusara and ashtanga? Or hot yoga and hatha? Below is a cheat sheet to the many different styles of yoga being taught today. May it help you find your way to a class you love.

Anusara

Developed by American yogi John Friend in 1997, anusara yoga is a relative newcomer to the yoga world. Based on the belief that we are all filled with an intrinsic goodness, anusara seeks to use the physical practice of yoga to help students open their hearts, experience grace, and let their inner goodness shine through. Classes, which are specifically sequenced by the teacher to explore one of Friend's Universal Principles of Alignment, are rigorous for the body and the mind.

Ashtanga

Ashtanga is based on ancient yoga teachings, but it was popularized and brought to the West by Pattabhi Jois (pronounced "pah-tah-bee joyce") in the 1970s. It's a rigorous style of yoga that follows a specific sequence of postures and is similar to vinyasa yoga, as each style links every movement to a breath. The difference is that ashtanga always performs the exact same poses in the exact same order. This is a hot, sweaty, physically demanding practice.

Bikram

Approximately 30 years ago, Bikram Choudhury developed this school of yoga where classes are held in artificially heated rooms. In a Bikram class, you will sweat like you've never sweated before as you work your way through a series of 26 poses (like ashtanga, a Bikram class always follows the same sequence, although a Bikram sequence is different from an ashtanga sequence). Bikram is somewhat controversial, as Choudhury has trademarked his sequence and has prosecuted studios who call themselves Bikram but don't teach the poses exactly the way he says they should. It is also wildly popular, making it one of the easiest types of classes to find.

Hatha

Hatha yoga is a generic term that refers to any type of yoga that teaches physical postures. Nearly every type of yoga class taught in the West is hatha yoga. When a class is marketed as hatha, it generally means that you will get a gentle introduction to the most basic yoga postures. You probably won't work up a sweat in a hatha yoga class, but you should end up leaving class feeling longer, looser, and more relaxed.

Hot Yoga

Basically the same thing as Bikram. Generally, the only difference between Bikram and hot yoga is that the hot yoga studio deviates from Bikram's sequence in some small way, and so they must call themselves by another name. The room will be heated, and you will sweat buckets.

Iyengar

Iyengar yoga was developed and popularized by B.K.S. Iyengar (pronounced "eye-yen-gar"). Iyengar is a very meticulous style of yoga, with utmost attention paid to finding the proper alignment in a pose. In order to help each student find the proper alignment, an Iyengar studio will stock a wide array of props – blocks, blankets, straps, chairs, bolsters, and a rope wall are all common. There isn't a lot of jumping around in Iyengar classes, so you won't get your heart rate up, but you'll be amazed to discover how physically and mentally challenging it is to stay put. Iyengar teachers must undergo a comprehensive training – if you have an injury or chronic condition, Iyengar is probably your best choice to insure you get the knowledgeable instruction you need.

Restorative

Restorative yoga is a delicious way to way to relax and soothe frayed nerves. Restorative classes use bolsters, blankets, and blocks to prop students in passive poses so that the body can experience the benefits of a pose without having to exert any effort. A good restorative class is more rejuvenating than a nap. Studios and gyms often offer them on Friday nights, when just about everyone could use a little profound rest.

Vinyasa

Vinyasa (pronounced "vin-yah-sah") is the Sanskrit word for "flow", and vinyasa classes are known for their fluid, movement-intensive practices. Vinyasa teachers choreograph their classes to smoothly transition from pose to pose, and often play music to keep things lively. The intensity of the practice is similar to Ashtanga, but no two vinyasa classes are the same. If you hate routine and love to test your physical limits, vinyasa may be just your ticket. 

For a little more help, try this What Kind of Yogi Are You? Quiz.

 

Kate Hanley is a freelance writer who specializes in exploring the mind-body connection. She completed her yoga teacher training at OM Yoga in New York City and has studied with yoga experts Rodney Yee and Cyndi Lee and meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg.

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Tantra and Holistic Health

In most Western societies, sex is viewed as a physical and often taboo act between two people with the goal of reaching physical orgasm. It's something we "do" rather than part of who we "are".  Most people understand that there is a certain amount of chemistry behind it but only insomuch as there are certain areas that stimulate pleasure and certain chemicals that are released during orgasm. It’s still regarded as a purely physical act, regardless of the fact that you may use mental stimulation to reach orgasm. Not so with tantric sex.

Tantric sex is a whole other ballgame. All pretenses are dropped. There’s no need to pretend that you’re a wonderful lover because that defeats the purpose of the act. Tantric sex is all about two people coming together in search of enlightenment, self-awareness and spiritual ecstasy. The body is there and participating but it isn’t the central focus; instead it’s the vehicle.

Tantric Energy

Practitioners of tantric sex appreciate the energy that sex generates. This is a pure energy, with no negative force or connotation to it at all. It is purely good. So good, in fact, that it permeates the entire universe. It’s an all-encompassing life energy that strengthens everything and everybody that it comes into contact with and the fact that we have that within us puts us at a level with "the gods" when we participate in tantric sex correctly.  You may have heard this energy called Chi, or Prana, or Kundalini, or Shakti.

Tantric Equality

Because everything has a contradictory force, male and female aren’t recognized as separate forces but rather as equal yet opposite polarities that come together in every person. Men have female energies and women have male energies. Much like the yin and yang, dark and light, or up and down, male and female are simply two inseparable parts of the same whole.

Taking that into consideration, during tantric sex, there is no leader or follower, no master and student. There are only two parts of the same whole coming together to create one of the most powerful forces in the universe: love.  Love is the word we give to represent that which moves us, that which is pure and unbounded.  

Tantric Life Force

When male and female halves come together in an authentically tantric way, setting aside all Western misconceptions, fears and inhibitions, pure energy - life force may be harnessed. Because tantric sex is simply about enjoying the energy and reaching enlightenment, all of that garbage and pressure to perform can be set aside. This leaves room for the natural life force, the Kundalini - Shakti, to be released.

When you truly come together, and reach that level of enlightenment, the intense life force that you will experience will be better than any physical orgasm you’ve ever experienced. You’ll be in touch with everything in the universe and will be able to exchange this healing, powerful, joyful energy with everything around you. This is truly the intention of tantric sex.  And like anything else worthwhile, it must be practiced to be continually experienced.  

What is Kundalini-Shakti?

"In India, kundalini is personified as the Divine Mother: Shakti Ma, Kali Ma, or other goddesses. She is the feminine power at the base of the spine, which travels up the spine to unite with the masculine power, her consort, Lord Shiva (Shakta), in the seventh chakra, sahasrara. This union of opposites is a powerful symbol depicted in all cultures.

In the ancient scriptures, kundalini is described in three different manifestations. The first is unmanifest cosmic energy: Para-kundalini. The second is vital energy of the created universe: Prana-kundalini. The third is consciousness: Shakti-kundalini, the intermediary between the other two.

Shakti-kundalini is the link to higher awareness, the revealer of all mantras, and the eternal source of bliss flowing from sahasrara (crown chakra). Through her shristi krama (process of creation), she creates by descending from sahasrara through all the chakras. She sustains by abiding in the muladhara chakra. Through her laya karma (process of absorption), she destroys or dissolves by ascending and returning to sahasrara.

When Shakti descends to the lower chakras, she is known as jagan mohini (world bewilder) and causes maya: delusion, limitation, ignorance, and ensnarement in material life. As she descends, she becomes grosser and loses her power and subtlety.

As kundalini shakti ascends through the chakras, she becomes subtler. On her pathway upward, she reabsorbs all the creative principles that originally descended from sahasrara. This is called laya-absorption. During this homeward journey, Shakti removes the veils of maya (illusion), which evaporate like a mirage.

As kundalini ascends through the chakras, mental limitations are gradually removed so consciousness can shine in its pristine glory. Mental fluctuations settle down and the mind becomes serene. Awareness flows smoothly and the mind becomes a vehicle for bliss and happiness.

At sahasrara chakra kundalini merges with Shiva, who is identified with her. In her formless state she is consciousness. In her creative form she is Shakti, the power of manifestation.

Therefore, kundalini's descent creates increasing ignorance, bondage, and delusion. The same kundalini energy, as it ascends, causes spiritual awakening, freedom, and wisdom."

Exploring Chakras: Awaken Your Untapped Energy
Susan G. Shumsky, New Page Books (January 1, 2003) pp. 70-1

If you’d like to learn how to experience tantric sex with your significant other and release your own personal Shakti, contact me for the Tantra Training application.

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport