Intimacy

Intimacy generally refers to being in a close personal association with another. It is a familiar and very close affective connection with someone as a result of a bond that is formed through knowledge and experience of the other.

Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialoguetransparencyvulnerability, and reciprocity.

The verb "intimate" means "to state or make known". The activity of intimating (making known) underpins the meanings of "intimate" when used as a noun and adjective. The noun "intimate" means a person with whom one has a particularly close relationship. The adjective "intimate" indicates detailed knowledge of a thing or person.

In human relationships, the meaning and level of intimacy varies within and between relationships

To sustain intimacy for any length of time requires well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness. Intimacy requires an ability to be both separate and together participants in an intimate relationship. Murray Bowen called this "self-differentiation". It results in a connection in which there is an emotional range involving both robust conflict and intense loyalty.

From a center of self-knowledge and self differentiation, intimate behavior joins family members and close friends as well as those in love. It evolves through reciprocal self-disclosure and candor. Poor skills in developing intimacy can lead to getting too close too quickly; struggling to find the boundary and to sustain connection; being poorly skilled as a friend, rejecting self-disclosure or even rejecting friendships and those who have them. 

Studies show that fear of intimacy is inversely related to comfort with emotional closeness and with relationship satisfaction, and directly related to loneliness and trait anxiety.

[From Wikipedia]

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Couples Tantra

Over the years, I have had the great honor to work with loving couples who want to AMPLOVEFY their sensual physical~spiritual connection.  The following is a recap of how one particular program originated for a very cool couple-client.

Normally, when coaching couples, I work with one person at a time, creating a safe and judgement-free space for that person's exploration and expression of their wondrous body, mind, and spirit.  They then have a monthly joint session to weave together their learning and growth.  In the case of this couple, however, the intention remained the same but the energy was more playful and so they chose to dive into Tantra.  

The intimacy, sensuality, and connection was already present between these two partners, and they were prepared to explore and express TOGETHER, evolving their bond.

After a consultation to get clear about where each partner was at that moment, and where they wanted to go jointly, we stepped into the Sanctuary.  To bring ease and fluidity into the body we moved through a few couples yoga postures before a guided meditation.  The meditation took the couple through the Chakras, or energy centers within the body, and was also a conscious breathing exercise.  After creating a foundation for connection and "Feeling rather than Thinking", we shifted into sensual full body massage.

He was the first recipient.  Together she and I gave  him a loving, compassionate, slow, mindful massage working from head to toe.  Teaching someone the art of sensual massage was extremely rewarding for me.  Additionally, the openess and acceptance this couple expressed to one another is truly inspiring!  When he was well tended to, the couple switched giver and receiver so that he and I could spread the love-treatment over her body next.  I think she may have mentioned that his skills improved in that mini-massage coaching session.  Gentlemen take note!  Ladies LOVE a skilled sensual massage from their lover!!

The loving energy was quite palpable so I slipped out of the Sanctuary and allowed the couple to complete their time together how they saw fit.

This was as much a rewarding experience for me as I believe it was for the beautiful couple.  Clearly, what there is to do for me now is develop more around this type of session...maybe a program?...in the near future. (AND THIS IS HOW TANTRIC 6 WAS BORN)

And so here's a "heads-up" to all my marvelous male clients: Imagine how glorious it could be if you and your wife/girlfriend had the skill and the mind-set to give each other a FULL BODY SENSUAL MASSAGE at home!

Hmmmm....Sensual Touch Training Program?

Is Tantra something you're curious about but feel like it might be too "woo woo"?  I used to feel the same way!  So in response, I have translated the ancient wisdom and practices into a modern-day language and application the the most UNhippie person can benefit from.  Call 512-491-9774 for a convo with me about it!

XOXO, cd

P.S.  After several sessions with this couple I received the touching comments below.

My wife and I started our journey with you over a year ago, and it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of our lives. We were not sure what we would be in for, and have been truly blessed to have met you and have you in our lives. It was scary to allow someone into our intimate space, but you are now one with us spiritually… and for that we are forever intertwined with you. You are truly a blessing to our lives and hope that in some way we have been the same for you.We are extremely excited about where your future leads you, and know that we are better for having met and had this experience of growth with you. -- J & N

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

5 Things I Learned About Sex from Working with 272 Men and 4 Women Last Year

1. Men are actively seeking to improve themselves as sexual beings.  You might think women are all about personal growth and development and for the most part you’d be right.  But when it comes to sex, men are hungry to explore and expand their knowledge and skills.  I have the privilege of being one of the first responders when men decide it’s time to evolve their capacity as sexual beings.  

Of course, that’s not how most of my clients phrase it at first.  The more common statement I hear is one related to “lasting longer” or “being better at sex”.  As we explore the motivations for each person in their specific circumstance, the overwhelming majority of men get to the core of the matter and reveal the REAL driving force as something like “a deep longing to connect openly and freely with their partner”. In other words, they want intimacy.  Intimacy is a common component in personal growth.  It’s what allows us to truly be seen and heard by others.  

Tweet: Sexual intimacy is one of the most profound ways we get to experience being fully seen, acknowledged, and accepted by another human being.

Sexual intimacy is one of the most profound ways we get to experience being fully seen, acknowledged, and accepted by another human being.    

We are literally naked, that is, physically.  And when we match that nakedness with emotional and spiritual vulnerability something otherworldly occurs.  We experience a timeless Ego-less presence to the miraculous being-ness that we truly are.  Pretty cool.  I suspect THAT’S the undercover culprit of men’s desire to improve themselves sexually.  The rampant push to perform better is merely modern day cloak concealing a Universal truth -- we seek intimate connection.

2. Men find it difficult to speak to their wives about their sexual appetites or perceived lack of sexual abilities. When I inquire as to what keeps them from opening up or being vulnerable my clients reveal reasons ranging from fear and insecurity to not knowing how to talk about it.  Sometimes  they’ve been judged so harshly they have almost completely shut down the masculine sexual energy, or consciousness, that longs to be expressed.  (btw, women have masculine sexual energy, too)  

When it comes to being intimate and vulnerable, we are required to “take off the mask” of the Ego.  But the Ego fights to keep itself intact.  After all, it’s this contrived character that we identify with and so if we relinquish that sense of ourselves, who are we?  Great question.  But it’s one we perceive as so immense and existential that we shy away from it.  Who has the time or bandwidth to solve such a riddle?  

In today’s culture we rely on celebrities and magazines and corporate, government, and religious officials to tell us who we are.  The problem with that is they are all in the business of manufacturing the truth (to maintain status quo) rather than revealing it.  

So at best, we’re mindlessly following false images and at worst we’re being manipulated into being disconnected, dissatisfied and diseased.  

This is especially true when it comes to sex.  When men are “told” who they are supposed to be (at work, in society, or in the bedroom) they develop a relentless pursuit of accomplishing that in order to live up to who they think they should be.  The trap being it’s a false image.  It ain’t the truth.  The reality is men and women alike are gifted with unique desires and a natural appetite for sexual self-expression.  

The contrived characters and manufactured false images suggest one thing and the masculine sexual energy (aka consciousness)  desires another.  Conflict ensues.  The result is men are uncertain or fearful of speaking to their wives about sex.  And I think it’s safe to draw the conclusion that this unfortunate challenge is true for women as well.

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3. Men crave compassionate loving non-sexual touch.  When presented with the offer to enhance coaching with relaxation practices (meditation, breath and energy work, and therapeutic massage), 96% of my clients opted to do so.  Why?  Because they’re stressed the fuck out.  Again, why?  Refer to number two above.  

We are all stressed out trying to live up to a manufactured ideal.  And for some, the concept of compassionate loving non-sexual touch is foreign.  The powers that be would have us all believe that human touch implies sexual intent and therefore a performance of some sort is required.  That just reinforces the mask of the Ego or the drive to differentiate ourselves from one another and the source of our being.  

It is a great privilege of mine to introduce people to a powerful healing and nurturing practice. This practice, when done with a crystal clear intention, can be very intimate and non-sexual.  As a bonus, I encourage my clients to share the practice with their sweetie...and see what depth of connection results.

4. Men and women could use an an advanced education in being human.  The sexual phenomenon I observe is this: People are dissatisfied and disconnected and, quite frankly, dis-eased because they think sex is an ACT to be measured and rated in terms of performance.  Collectively, there’s also a rampant belief that sex is all about certain body parts.  

How many people do you know, that when it comes to sex and sex appeal, compare body parts?  Guys will go on and on about being a boob- or butt- or leg-man.  And women talk about their satisfaction relative to the size of a man’s penis.  What’s with the superficiality?  Oh, right.  That’s what’s being sold to us via the media and those in “power” who’re making a buck off that shit.  

Here’s the deal, sex is NOT an act, it is not measurable, it’s most certainly not a performance AND it involves the entire HUMAN BEING (not just penis and vagina and couple other body parts).  The pervasive perspective creates a lot of frustrated and disengaged people.  How do I know?  Read the title of this article again.  

So what, then, is sex?  Sex, or more specifically, the sexual body is a part of who you are.  It contains both masculine and feminine energies.  It’s one of 5 bodies that make up the human being.  What are the other 4? I’ll save that for another day.  But rest assured, I am here to expose the truth!

5. Women are into Tantra.  OK, my sample is a little skewed but every woman I work with expresses a desire to experience more.  More of themselves, more of their partners, more intimacy, more pleasure, more fulfillment in their relationship and life.  That’s what Tantra has to offer.  

My personal mission is to amplify passion, pleasure, and play in the bedrooms of people everywhere by supporting integrity, harmony, and vitality in each of us.  Coaching, teaching tantra and writing about sex and relationships are my tools.  Although my practice thus far has been built by men seeking to overcome challenges pertaining to masculine sexual energy I believe feminine energy (aka REAL power) will restore the harmony that they and our culture long for.  When understood, sexual energy has the potential to create sustainable joy, connection, abundance, and ecstasy.  And not just sexually.  If we have the power to create NEW LIFE unconsciously, imagine what we can create when we are conscious and responsible and are no longer slaves to false images and contrived characters.

What do you think?  Leave a comment below and let us know!  

Want a private one-on-one conversation with Colette?  CLICK HERE to apply for a complimentary 45-minute Clarify & Connect call today!




 

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

5 Techniques to Reengage Romance

Much like a weight loss program, it’s easy for the romance in relationships to plateau.  Couples get busy conducting the symphony that is life--deadlines, homework, soccer practice, car payments, grocery shopping, etc.  Without proper nurturing in place, partners can lose interest in the “glue that binds” if they feel they’re being taken for granted, their basic needs are being unmet, or worse, they cease to see themselves as lovers all-together. 

In my work as a relationship coach, I’ve repeatedly observed that coming unglued intimately in a marriage can lead to “roommates syndrome” where two people are simply coexisting, managing the logistics of life, rather than thriving as a love-unit (yes, I just made that word up).  With that said, I’ve created 5 romance nurturing techniques designed to help you dust off your love-unit (see what I did there?), and start becoming the thriving power couple of your dreams.

 

1. All About Timing

If you’re struggling to keep up the passion in the bedroom, you may want to consider your timing.  We are all busy in today’s world so the end of the day, that is, right before bed may not be the most sexually charged time for a couple.  Come up with some alternative windows that allow for a little body-to-body contact.  Upon waking?  In the shower?  Keep in mind romance and passion don’t mean sexual intercourse exclusively.  In reality, for a lot of couples (especially those with kiddos) time to ravish each other sexually for hours is rare.  Sexual intimacy, however, doesn’t have to be.  Remember when the relationship was new?  I bet you made time to hug and squeeze and nibble and caress each other then.  Don’t underestimate the power of a good long kiss...and a sexy ass grab.

2. Explore Different Environments

This may take a little work but I promise it’s worth it.  Take to the outdoors.  Go for a walk together and talk about all things sexy and romantic.  Think back to your dating days and how just talking about making out or making love would raise your sensual spirits.  Book a hotel room.  A nice one, where you can both escape the everyday tasks that fill the never-ending to-do list and just be lovers.  Or light up the candles, slather on the silky sheets, crank up Marvin Gaye, and turn your ordinary bedroom into a love den for the night. Okay your turn, what other environments would inspire you to be playful or frisky with your partner?  

3. Set Up a Pre-Arranged Romance Plan

Have you ever heard of a drip marketing campaign?  It’s where a business sets up an automated plan to reach its customers on an ongoing basis to keep them interested in their product or service.  You get where I’m going here?  Instead of having to come up with new sexy-time ideas every week when your mind is in work or parenting mode (because when is it not?) take a page out of the professional marketing book and pre-arrange little things to “touch” your sweetie consistently in an effort to keep them interested in romance.  Maybe come up with a dozen bigger gestures (one for each month) and a half dozen smaller ones that you can rotate through the year.  Here are a few ideas: Flowers, date night, a massage, a poem (it doesn’t have to be written by you), and lingerie -- for HER. A tech gadget, a tie and/or pocket square, a sexy photo of yourself, a massage, and a invitation to be pampered -- for HIM.  You know your lover best.  What would make them feel special and acknowledged as a sexual being?  Do that.  Do it consistently.

4. Topics of Conversation--Hot or Not?

When we get into a groove of managing life’s challenges we tend to talk about what’s not working and, consequently, solutions to our problems.  Not sexy or romantic. While those conversations can be very productive and necessary, they don’t often lead to love making.  I’m certainly not suggesting you stop communicating about the issues that you face, they need to be expressed.  But what might get stirred up if you brought light, playful, fun, intimate conversation to the table as well?  Can you think of a topic of conversation that’s laced with romance and desire that interests you both?  You may have to get creative here or curious.  The point is this, all work and no play (conversationally) makes for a less-than-romantic relationship.

5. Become a Curious George 

That little monkey is always getting into something!  His curious spirit takes him on adventures big and small.  He has a wonderlust that keeps him constantly learning new things.  Now imagine how applying that same curiosity to your intimate relationship could reengage romance.  A common trap we all fall into is resigning to “know” each other.  We think the person we’re with is “this way” or “that way” or we assume there’s nothing more to explore so we give up trying.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  If you adopt a Curious George perspective, new opportunities for romance open up.  To put it simply, “thinking you already know” shuts things down.  Being curious opens them up.  Plus, it’s way more fun!

I challenge you to try on one or two (or go bold and tackle all 5) of these techniques this week.  Running a business, meeting deadlines, tending to the house and bills, and rearing the kids is super important. And so is romance...it’s the glue that binds an intimate partnership.  If you take action now (and be consistent) you can prevent it from drying out and crumbling.

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Ladies Only: Bringing Tantra Into The Bedroom

By Jamie Beckman on SheKnows.com

Reignite Your Love Connection with Tantra

To get to the heart of what tantric sex actually means, we caught up with Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson, authors of Great Sex Made Simple: Tantric Tips to Deepen Intimacy and Heighten Pleasure, who schooled us in the ways of the tantra — and how regular women (yep, that's you!) can get the most out of their sex lives using tantric techniques.

How Sting got it wrong

If you take away nothing else from this story, remember that the 5,000-year-old Eastern spiritual practice of tantric sex does not mean that you have to make love for hours. Instead, enlightenment and having a reverence for your partner that lasts beyond the length of any orgasm is at the core of the teachings, Michaels and Johnson say.

"It's funny that a comment Sting made over 20 years ago still has an enduring hold on the public's imagination," the couple says. "He's tried to explain it away or recant it in various ways. At one point, he said that he regretted making the statement and didn't really feel he could talk about the subject beyond saying that his wife, Trudy, is his church. That's much closer to what the spirit of tantric sex is all about."

"In the classical sexual ritual, the participants worship each other as embodiments of deities. We encourage people to bring an attitude of reverence into their lovemaking and to all their interactions. The tantric approach has far more to do with your mental approach than with technique. It's certainly got nothing to do with bragging about staying power."

But in tantric sex, you can feel pleasure longer...

"That said, prolonged lovemaking is part of the tradition," Michaels and Johnson say. "The tantrics of old recognized that orgasm can be a mystical experience, often the most readily accessible mystical experience of all. During orgasm, the mind goes quiet, and you may feel a sense of merger — be it with a partner or even with all that is.

For most of us, the transcendent potential in sex is something that's experienced only briefly, during the orgasm itself. If you extend arousal and focus on building it (this need not include genital intercourse), you may start to feel this sense of union well before you have an orgasm, and it is likely to last far longer than it would in more conventional lovemaking. So making it last is a means to an end, not an end in itself. If you can stay turned on for a half hour or so, you're likely to experience the altered state of consciousness we just described."

How to incorporate elements of tantric sex into your own bedroom: Header h3 with numbers to the side

Focus on your breathing and your (and your partner's) reaction to touch

"It's fairly common for people to check out during sex, to do things by rote and without a whole lot of reflection. Paying attention to what you're experiencing in your body, the way you are breathing and how your partner is responding are all very important," the couple says.

Give and receive — start with kisses

"To take this a step further, people tend to interact sexually based on a set of tacit understandings: Basically, I'll do you for a while, and then you can do me, and if we're lucky, we'll both have a good experience," Michaels and Johnson say.

"We encourage people to separate giving and receiving in a very methodical way. For example, it's great to experiment with giving and receiving kisses. Take a couple of minutes and allow your partner to kiss you and explore your mouth with his tongue. Then reverse roles. When you're kissing, see how fully you can give yourself over to the active role. When you're receiving, surrender to the experience completely."

Take 60 minutes and give each other a massage — but no sex yet!

"Set aside an hour or so to give and receive full body massages (culminating with genital stimulation but not intercourse). Do this on different days. As with the kissing exercise, the role of the giver is to give as fully as possible, and the role of the receiver is simply to receive. Taking this activity out of the realm of foreplay and keeping the roles clearly defined may help you discover new sources of pleasure, and may also give you new insights into the way you interact with your partner both in and out of bed."

Break a taboo by just talking about sex

"Many traditional tantric practices involved breaking cultural taboos, and there were many in medieval India," the couple says. "This was true both in the context of sexual ritual and more generally. In the simplest terms, the violation of these cultural norms had a liberating effect. Of course, we don't live in a society that has such clearly defined social rules, but we all have our own self-imposed limitations and our habitual ways of being, in lovemaking and more generally in life. If you can shed some of your inhibitions, you're likely to experience more pleasure. Talking frankly about sex is a big taboo for many, so for many, having frequent and explicit conversations about sex is a great first step."

Explore a personal sexual taboo together

"If you want to get a little bolder, you can identify a couple of personal taboos (you can also do this as a couple by identifying shared taboos), and then decide on one that you might be interested in breaking," Michaels and Johnson say. "Don't pick anything huge at first; it might just mean making love with the lights on or experimenting with light bondage, sensory deprivation or role-play. The purpose is to become more flexible and aware and to be less limited by preconceived ideas about yourself. Sometimes we deprive ourselves of a lot of pleasure by thinking, 'I'm not the kind of person who would enjoy that.'"

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

13 Sex-Drive Killers To Be On The Look Out For

Taken from medicinenet.com, the following are some contributors to a less-than-fabulous sex life.  How many would you say fit your profile?

Sex-Drive Killers:

1. Stress

The body does not react well to stress. Emotional stress may affect physical function, including sexual desire and performance. Realizing what underlying stressors may exist is the first step in treatment. Consider stress management practices such as yoga, massage, and meditation to help relieve the burden.

2. Partner

Sexual desire requires two to tango. Both partners need to feel connected and women especially need the feeling of being close. Poor communications, a sense of betrayal, lack of trust, and repeated fighting and criticism may create a relationship that lacks closeness and intimacy. Coaching may be the answer if couples find that the issues are too tough to resolve on their own.

2. Alcohol

Alcohol is usually not the answer to any problem. While alcohol may decrease inhibitions, it also decreases sexual performance and libido. Your partner may not appreciate a drunken advance and may be turned off by it.

4. Too Little Sleep

As with any physical activity, a rested body increases performance. Lack of sleep, including lack of proper sleep, may be the culprit that decreases sex drive. Sleep apnea is a potential cause for lack of good sleep and lack of libido. 

5. Having Kids

Being a parent is a full-time job and you need carve out time without a child or baby around. Planning quiet time for intimacy and sexual desire may require some creative thinking, like having sex when the baby naps, or hiring a babysitter so mom and dad can have a play date.

6. Medication

Side effects of many prescription medications include loss of libido and sex drive. Some examples include:

  • High blood pressure medications including water pills and beta blockers
  • Cold medications that contain antihistamines and decongestants
  • Antidepressants
  • Birth control pills
  • Narcotic pain pills
  • Chemotherapy drugs

7. Poor Body Image

Sexy is as sexy feels. Many people have low self-esteem when it comes to their body shape and this can affect their sex drive and desire. Being happy with yourself is an important first step. A supportive partner always helps or working with a coach to transform self-image can be a great tool.

8. Obesity

Obesity affects one-third of all Americans and being overweight can limit desire because of decreased sexual enjoyment, lack of performance, and poor self-esteem. How you feel about yourself goes a long way in affecting how you enjoy sex. Hiring a health coach may be helpful.

9. Low T

While a man's testosterone level gradually falls with aging, there is not necessarily any relationship between hormone levels and the desire for sex. It is just one potential cause for decreased libido and you may want to look for other causes in addition to just low testosterone (“low T”).

10. Erection Problems

Erectile dysfunction (ED) can not only affect the ability to have intercourse but also how a man feels about his ability to perform. There are many options available to treat ED and as a sex coach, I often work with men seeking a drug-free solution.

11. Depression

Depression affects all facets of life including sex drive. Losing pleasure in daily activities often requires treatment including counseling and perhaps medication. Unfortunately, some antidepressants also depress libido.  Exercise is a natural anti-depressant.  Eating a clean, unprocessed diet will also boost levels of feel-good hormones.

12. Menopause

Menopause may cause physical changes that affect intercourse, including vaginal dryness and pain with intercourse (dyspareunia). Natural treatments are available to enhance sexual desire and function after menopause.

13. Lack of Closeness

Making love is more than just sex. Intimacy and closeness are important part of a healthy love life. If sexual desire is waning, it may be time to inject romance back in the relationship. Snuggling, giving each other massages and spending casual time together may help ignite that spark.

Want to know how to turn things around?  Evaluating and strategizing are two main components of my coaching program...Contact me today for a FREE INTIMACY EVALUATION to get things moving in the direction you desire!



Tantric Sex: A Step By Step How-To (part 1)

A superb article that will guide couples interested in the art of Tantric love-making.

(Originally posted on How Stuff Works)

Have you ever experienced a moment of sexual ecstasy? How did it make you feel? Exhilarated? Luminous? Deeply connected? Intense sexual experiences are one of our greatest sources of pleasure.

At the same time, sex is often regarded with an equal measure of fear and fascination. We may crave sexual intimacy to the core of our being, yet also take great pains to avoid it. We may wish to be touched with all of our heart, yet fear our own vulnerability. We may long to rekindle lost passion, but have forgotten how to light the fire.

The practice of Tantra shows us how to reclaim the sexual intimacy that is our birthright. And through this most ancient of arts, we may discover new joys of the erotic and expand mere moments of sexual ecstasy into a lifetime of sexual bliss. At a time when the stresses, fears and distractions of daily life threaten so many relationships, the age-old practice of Tantra shows us how to open our hearts, our emotions and our sexuality.

What Is Tantra?

Although Tantra has long been practiced in many eastern cultures, it is just beginning to flourish in the United States. Born in India more than 6,000 years ago, Tantra emerged as a rebellion against organized religion, which held that sexuality should be rejected in order to reach enlightenment.

Tantra challenged the acetic beliefs of that time, purporting that sexuality was a doorway to the divine, and that earthly pleasures, such as eating, dancing and creative expression were sacred acts.

The word Tantra means "to manifest, to expand, to show and to weave." In this context, sex is thought to expand consciousness and to weave together the polarities of male (represented by the Hindu god, Shiva), and female (embodied by the Hindu goddess, Shakti), into a harmonious whole.

Couples need not adopt the Tantric pantheon in order to benefit from the sexual wisdom of this ancient art. Tantric sexual practices teach us to prolong the act of making love and to utilize potent orgasmic energies more effectively.

Tantra is also health enhancing. "Sexual energy is one of our most powerful energies for creating health," says Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom."

"By using sexual energy consciously...we can tap into a true source of youth and vitality."

How Is Tantric Sex Unique?

In the West, we sometimes view sex as a source of recreation rather than a means of transformation. The goal may be to reach orgasm rather than to pleasure our lover or to connect with him or her more fully.

Beginning Tantric Sex Techniques

The usual kind of lovemaking, say sex experts, has a distinct beginning and ending, with a climax somewhere in between and an average duration of 10 to 15 minutes. Given that women can take about 20 minutes just to reach full arousal, this type of sexual experience can be deeply unsatisfying.

In the Tantric model, the sexual experience is seen as a dance with no beginning or end. There is no goal, only the present moment of exquisite union. For this reason, lovemaking is meditative, expressive and intimate. Tantra teaches lovers how to extend the peak of their sexual ecstasy so that women and men can experience several orgasms in a single sexual encounter.

Leading teachers of Tantra suggest that even men who experience premature ejaculation can learn how to extend orgasm, and, with practice, to enjoy multiple orgasms. One of the most well known advocates of Tantra is the musician, Sting, who credits his fulfilling sex life to this ancient art. With ingredients such as love, trust and mutual respect, the magic of Tantra is available to couples of all ages and levels of sexual experience.

The following exercises will help you reconnect with your body and with your partner in a profound way. As you move through these steps, do not focus on intercourse as the ultimate goal. Instead, simply enjoy giving and receiving pleasure using gentle touch and loving words.

Communicate with your lover to discover what he or she finds most arousing. Try to spend several weeks practicing the Tantric Intimacy Exercises without necessarily engaging in intercourse. For many, experiencing these erotic exercises with no pressure to "go all the way" helps release sexual guilt, builds trust and reawakens sexual desire. Enjoy!

Welcoming Love

Make time for each other every week. Plan a sexual rendezvous at least once per week. Set aside an hour or more of uninterrupted time to be together. Although it may be difficult to find the time or to manage children, you won't be able to benefit from Tantra if your relationship is not a priority.

Create an inviting atmosphere. Whether you meet in your bedroom, living room or another space in your house, creating a sacred space for each other will help relax you and bring you into the moment. Candles, fresh flowers, erotic art, finger foods and tantalizing aromas can transform any room into a temple of sexual delight. Even something as simple as dimming the lights and playing erotic music will help create a welcoming environment.

Dress provocatively. Or, wear nothing at all. Experiment with clothing or accessories that make you feel sexy and excite your partner.

Tantric Intimacy Exercises

Use ritual to develop intimacy. Begin your journey with a ritual. This may be something as simple as feeding each other delicious foods or sharing a glass of wine in the nude. Some couples enjoy bathing together in order to attune to each other.

Take time to wash each other with loving care. Water relaxes the body and is a symbol of sexuality. Massaging each other is also an excellent way to fuse your energies. Or, read poetry to each other, dance, play, listen to music—work on developing new intimacy skills. Most importantly, use this time tocommunicate,sharing what you adore about each other. The idea is to help each partner feel loved and cherished.

In order to fully focus on each other (rather than on the goal of sex), some lovers experiment with various intimate rituals for several weeks before moving on to the next steps or engaging in intercourse. This is a wonderful way to strengthen the bonds of love and ignite passion.

"The only time we ever think about breathing is when we have trouble doing it, yet conscious breathing can be a powerful aid in sexual growth," according to sex therapist Marty Klein, Ph.D. of Palo Alto, California. Breathing exercises also quiet the mind and help you focus on each other.

Try this exercise: Sit quietly, cross-legged, facing each other. Rest your hands on your knees with your palms facing up. As you gaze into your partner's eyes, take soft, but deep breaths. Keep your eyes open, gazing beyond the eyes, into the soul. Although this may feel awkward at first, sustained eye contact is essential for building intimacy.

Now, pay attention to your breathing. Begin to breathe at the same pace, bringing air slowly in through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Maintain eye contact while you breathe together. Practice this exercise until you can sustain eye contact and harmonized breathing for about 10 minutes. Then, you may move into the next exercise.

Experiment with erotic touch to fully appreciate your partner. This most pleasurable practice will help you become better lovers. Although you should continue to maintain eye contact, don't worry about keeping your breath synchronized. Breath will come back into play later. Guide your partner as you take turns stimulating each other. Describe exactly how you would like to be touched.

Share your desires in an encouraging way, making requests in a clear and loving manner. For example, ask your lover to caress your clitoris or penis (or any erogenous zone), encouraging him or her to apply more or less pressure, to stroke in a specific pattern, to use the tongue, etc. Thank your lover and let him or her know with words or sounds that you are enjoying this sensual touch.

Once you become comfortable with this process, you may wish to create a "pleasure chest." Include whatever excites you and your partner—a feather, vibrator, massage oil, blindfold, soft fabric, erotica and loving notes to each other are just a few ideas. As you pleasure each other, don't be shy about asking for something different. This is your time for appreciation, experimentation and for taking responsibility for your own fulfillment by asking for what you want.

From here, you may wish to embark on your own erotic journey. Create amorous adventures together, exploring new and creative ways to awaken each other's bodies and minds. Then, you will be ready for Tantric lovemaking.


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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

How To Make Love Stay: 6 Endless Tips

This article from Rebelle Society is for all my wonderful male clients and friends.  I challenge you to read every last word and heed the advice to the letter...to make love stay.

1. Love her fiercely.

Connection is key, vulnerability is bravery, and an open heart breaks down closed souls. We only get one shot at this life, this moment, and this relationship. If you’re blessed enough to find yourself waking up next to the same love over and over and over again, please don’t think of it as blandness. Choose blessedness.

If you find yourself getting too used to the monotony of your daily existence or if the routine is becoming too obscene, change something. Mix it up. Add some spice. Run off and have an adventure, even if it’s just down the road. Go and see something you’ve never seen, even if it’s just across the street. Go and do something you’ve never done, even if it’s just under the sheets.

When you enter a room, let others notice that you notice her first. When you walk next to her, stop and kiss her neck for no good reason other than the fact that she is by your side. When she gets dressed in the morning, smile and appreciate that women are sexier getting dressed than they are getting undressed.

Respect her boundaries, but break down her walls. Crush her fears and free her mind. She’s yours, and it’s up to you to be hers. Be the hero she’s always wanted but never knew she needed.

Be a brazen inspiration. Be a bold revelation. Be a novel innovation. Earn her every day and appreciate her every night. Give her your heart and defend hers at all costs. Be a warrior for love armed with a quiver full of fervor, and love will forever follow you into the hunt.

“Love easily confuses us because it is always in flux between illusion and substance, between memory and wish, between contentment and need.” ~Tom Robbins

 

***

2. Make her feel beautiful.

This one is pretty simple: Girls want to feel beautiful. Unfortunately, as you probably already recognize, women are bombarded each and every day with images from TV, magazines, Facebook and everywhere else in our culture trying to show them and sell them beauty. “They should look good.” “They need to be put together.” “They must be presented well.”

That is total bullshit. Humans were not born to cover their faces in makeup, did not evolve to spend an hour straightening their hair with expensive machines, and did not arise solely to dress up in high heels, or expensive jewels, or an overpriced dress bought to attend that cocktail party that night with those people that we don’t really know and don’t even care about.

In our society, beauty most often relates to the exterior and although a variety of superficial modifications are now wildly popular, they are all, each of them, a small, dirty, and pathetic lie.

Diamond rings are not beautiful, an open heart is beautiful. New shoes are not beautiful, kindness is beautiful. Vulnerability is beautiful. Compassion, honesty, courage and confidence are the real beautiful things. 

Besides, even with all of the makeup, accessories and clothes in the world, you cannot be beautiful if you do not feel beautiful. Similarly, if you feel beautiful, you are beautiful. It really is that simple.

So, take these powerful ideas and go about setting them free into the world. Make your girl feel beautiful. Compliment her soul. Look her in the eyes when you tell her you love her. Hold her hand. Melt her heart. Be her beacon. When she wakes up in the morning, tell her she looks great, and when she laughs or calls you crazy (and she will), mean it when you tell her that you mean it.

Stare into her eyes until she looks away first. Let her soar, and admire her in flight. Open her eyes, heart, hopes and dreams. Write her a note that says she makes you feel lucky, leave her a voicemail that says she makes you feel blessed and make her a card that says she makes you feel beautiful.

After all, beautiful things create beautiful things. So go ahead and be beautiful together, and love will stick around to watch.

“The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplaceable being.” ~ Tom Robbins

 

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3. Make her feel safe.

Girls like being held. They like having arms wrapped around them, simultaneously holding them close and pushing the world away. They enjoy walking with someone that can connect with them, confiding in someone who cares for them and loving someone who adores them. Girls like knowing that they are enough for us, that we are not looking elsewhere for replacements.

Girls want to matter, so let her feel comfortable speaking her heart. When she does, listen. When you listen, understand (not just what is being said, but why).

When you understand, relate and remember. Become fluent in the language she speaks. Encourage her to be the best her possible, even if that means exposing the hard truths that she tries to avoid, the facts that she can no longer ignore.

It’s up to you to make her see that, ultimately, no one else will make her happy but her. It’s up to you to help her help herself. Earn her trust and then keep making deposits, because helping a woman feel safe empowers her to do the things that her heart tells her they need to be done.

When she is not worried about you or her or us, she is free, an uncaged bird, and freedom is a wondrous feeling. Freedom means safety, safety is liberating, and liberation leads to fearlessness.

Without fear, we can focus on the things that matter, the things that set our hearts alight, the dreams that only arise when we are awake.

Catalyzed by safety, dormant ideas awaken, embolden and enliven our life. Compassion, courage and honesty, love’s three younger sisters, will stop by to visit, helping to ensure that our women are as safe and as strong as possible. Why is this important? Because strong women make men strong. And strong men can make love stay.

“When two people meet and fall in love, there’s a sudden rush of magic. Magic is just naturally present then. We tend to feed on that gratuitous magic without striving to make any more. One day we wake up and find that the magic is gone. We hustle to get it back, but by then it’s usually too late, we’ve used it up. What we have to do is work like hell at making additional magic right from the start. It’s hard work, but if we can remember to do it, we greatly improve our chances of making love stay.” ~ Tom Robbins

 

***

4.  Make her feel important.

There’s a lot going on in the world and we are always on alert.  We have to deal with jobs, laundry, stress, temptation, money, family, friends and the future.

Distractions pervade. Opportunities proliferate. Obstacles present themselves. We have the internet in our pockets, a gleam in our eyes and no time on our hands. We’re often busy, occasionally stressed, and sometimes overwhelmed. We have much on our minds and to us, normal is nuts.

We have dreams and adventures ahead of us and sorrow and sacrifice behind and yet, through all of the drama and strife, the pains and the panics, the days and nights, love remains. She is there, next to you, urging you on, smiling, and wanting nothing but the best for you because she loves you, she cares about you, and she wants you to be happy.

She is a best friend, mentor and biggest fan all in one. Your life would be worse without her in it. You would miss her if she were gone. She is the best thing in your world. Don’t you ever fucking lose sight of that, and love will have no chance to escape.

Love is addicted to appreciation and awareness. Keep both in abundant supply and love will always be near.  

“My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.” ~Tom Robbins

 

***

5. Fuck her good.

Here’s the thing: Women love sex and they think about it all the time. Although they would probably never admit it, women love getting down and dirty between the sheets, fast and furious on the bathroom floor, and slow and comfortable up against a wall.

If you’re a woman, you’re probably smiling as you read this. I’m sorry, girls, but the secret is out. We know that you talk about sex with your friends, fantasize about foreplay when you’re alone, and dream about the dirty when you are bored at work. And that’s okay. It’s more than okay, in fact.

Sex is important and good sex is a universal human right. So, do your best to be your best, not only in life but also in bed. However, don’t forget that it’s far more than just the physical that matters: the most important sex organ is the brain.

Be giving, with words and touch. Be intimate, with emotions and experience. Be thoughtful, with deeds and desires. Seduce her away from her distractions. Excite her.

Good loving is a necessity and if your girl is not getting it from you, she’ll start looking elsewhere for greener pastures to fertilize. However, if you can make her shake like a freight train, she’ll stick around like a memory. And that’s what it is all about – making love stay.

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” ~ Tom Robbins

 

***

6.  Make her laugh.

Cyndi Lauper was right: Girls just want to have fun.

Have you ever seen a bunch of girls going absolutely buck wild on a dance floor? It’s a sensation, and fun is the feeling. Have you ever witnessed a group of girls laughing so hard that they’re snorting and crying and madly screeching right up close into each others faces? It’s a sanctuary, and fun is the preacher.

Life is hard, and that’s a fact. We all know that sadness comes by to play hide and seek, sorrow randomly stops by for a drink, and occasionally, we get overwhelmed, annoyed, or infuriated. It happens. It’s unavoidable. It’s not her fault.

Being down does not make her a bad person, or a bad partner, or a pain in the ass. Being down does not make her heart any smaller or her beauty any less noticeable. Rather, being down is part of lifting up.

Help lift her up. Help make her see. Teach yourself the powerful and noble truth that here is nothing more beautiful than a smiling soul staring at you with love-filled eyes. Make her smile. Warm her heart. Be silly.

Life is far too serious to take seriously and sometimes the bravest thing you can do is laugh.

So do it, and do it often. Goof around. Be playful. Have fun. Locate your inner child and give him a high five. Find some grass and do some somersaults. Enjoy the ride and love will sit next to you, its head on your shoulder, smiling all the while, for where there is laughter, there is love.

“But do we know how to make love stay? I can’t even think about it. The best I can do is play it day by day.” ~ Tom Robbins

Did we miss anything? Do you have an idea of your own? Let us know. We demand answers, we crave knowledge and we are addicted to realizations.

Serve it up hot and let’s dig in: How do you make love stay?

 

*****

About the author:

Long Distance Love Bombs

About Long Distance Love Bombs: Hi, I’m Jeremy, a kindhearted marine biologist with a punk rock spirit and an urge to live the shit out of my life. I am also trying to make kindness cool and the world better than it was yesterday. Join me at Long Distance Love Bombs, on Facebook, on Etsy, and on Pinterest. You can also send some love via email.

Making Love for the First Time - Again

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Stop reading this article right now and think back to the days when you were making love with someone you were really into.  Seriously.  Close your eyes and let your imagination and memory take you to a specific day or night in time when you felt particularly aroused and excited to just spend time with the person.  It could be 3 weeks ago, 9 months ago, or 20 years ago.  She could be a long lost love, your current girlfriend, or long-time wife/partner.  If your logical mind starts to rationalize, judge, distract or limit your imagination during this exercise, just be aware of it.  That’s what it does.  It is programmed to keep you “safe” or “in the know”.   (And unless you’re operating heavy machinery, in which case you probably should’t be reading this anyhow, I promise you are safe.)  Stick with the exercise.  Now is a good time to practice giving yourself permission to be free - maybe even playful, to let your imagination override your thinking-mind.  

Recall the way you felt as you prepared for a date with your lover.  Remember the time you spent thinking about impressing her, or about kissing and touching her?   What was it like being eager to share yourself and explore all you could about this gal?  Was there a desire to know what made her laugh, or what her fears or quirks (or kinks) were?  Were you a little more than curious to experience her mouth on yours?  What might her passionate kisses be like?  Remember the inquisition to discover what turned her on so much that she would melt (or writhe) with utter abandon and satisfaction in YOUR arms?  

You can feel that energy, excitement and vitality, right?

Who would ever consciously give that up?  

The thing is, we are not (often times) conscious when it comes to sex and relationships and our emotions.  We think there’s a linear progression to things:  Excited and enthused at first (reference above), then the “honeymoon phase” wears off.  Then we are really familiar with one another so we don’t try/explore as much.  Then we start managing the logistics of cohabitation.  Then we know what she’ll say so why even ask.  Then we spend our days taking care of business, kids, bills and our nights watching tv or some other unconscious activity.  The routine sets in and we “disconnect”.  The result of this pattern kills the romance and sexual attraction we are invigorated by in the beginning.  At this point many of my male clients report “wanting to try something new”.  I also hear, “I want to feel alive and desirable again” which occasionally means seeking sexual gratification outside the relationship, even paying for it as a means to fulfill a deep human deisre.  The reality is, this creates more guilt and fear rather than satisfaction and connection.  It doesn’t have to be this way.  

What’s that you say?  How is it possible to experience something new if we know everything about each other?  Well that’s just it.  If we “think we know” then we will always get exactly what we are thinking out of an experience (and sometimes this thinking stops us from even making an attempt).  I’ll use lovemaking as an example.

If you see yourself in a version of the routine I described above with similar thoughts about lovemaking consider what it might be like to NOT know.  Rewind to the visualization exercise we started with.  All your thoughts about lovemaking happen in your mind anyway, right?  Well instead of thinking you “know” what she’ll do if you kiss her neck or slide your hand down her backside, or what she’ll say if you express your desire for erotic sex, let yourself imagine you “don’t know”.  Let it be an all new experience.  Let yourself be curious.  Invite her to be curious with you.  Allow the energy of your first time together be present.

What if you had a conversation about curiosity and lovemaking in advance, in which you both agreed to “not know” how things would go?  What if you gave your thinking-mind a break and allowed your feeling-body (or at the very least, your imagination) to take over?  What if you both shed the cloak of “logical, practical, responsible”, took off the hat of “fear, disappointment, and the past”, or set down the suitcase filled with “regret, routine, and resentment”?

What if?

As Valentine’s Day approaches, consider taking the opportunity to forego junk-filled chocolates and stuffed pink bears with little hearts reciting some worn-out sentiment.  Instead invite your lover into an exploration of each others sensual natures.  Your bodies, your souls.  Get out of your thinking-mind.  Get out of your routine.  Get out of your every-day roles.  Be curious.  Be imaginative.  Be new and exciting for one another.  Be sexual.

Have the conversation tonight (feel free to share this article with her).  Make the preparations.  Let the anticipation build (that’s just as exciting!).  Finally, when the date arrives...PLAY!  Have fun.  And let me know how it goes.

Empowering Conversations About Sex....With Love and Honor,

Colette

Note:  for the sake of brevity and based on my professional experience, I have used the feminine (she, her, wife, etc), as this article primarily addresses men in heterosexual relationships.  I am curious, though.  If you’re in a same sex relationship and would like to share your experience as it relates to this article -- email cd@colettedavenport.com.

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Tantra in Men's Health Magazine

As I was flipping through the latest issue of Men's Health (that I picked up for Matt, I swear), the "Sex Feature", a segment that just about every mainstream magazine for men or women has these days jumped out at me.  The feature titled, "Your Sex Wishes Granted" talked about things like erotic massage, outdoor sex, role playing, a threesome and on down the list...TANTRIC SEX.  Well, now I'm even more interested to read this author's perspective!  Steve Almond was sharing his experience, much like I do, about the interesting and rewarding, and pleasureable, and frustrating, and confusing, and wacky, and somehow limitlessly wonderful SEXUAL NATURE of us humans.  

The article starts:

"Sex isn't just about gratification... it's about overcoming your inhibitions and conquering fear and shame on behalf of a shared pleasure."  He continued to say that he and his wife, Erin, "had fallen into a routine, as couples sometimes do..." and after consulting a sex therapist he decided to create EROTIC RESOLUTIONS with Erin.  After a nice romantic dinner and some wine to relax them both, they made their lists.  She listed massage first. (Like I've been saying for years, gentlemen, women LOVE massage.  It's what really gets us in the mindset/mood for sex.)  Next, Steve offered "outdoor sex", which he said was attractive because of the thrill of being seen or caught involved.  He followed that by sharing that the scheduled dates and same old venue (the bedroom) felt a little too safe.  Mixing it up is always a good thing!  

The two lovers talked about other erotic resolutions and then came Tantric Sex.  I'll share here what was written in the article exactly as it is.

"It hardly came as a surprise that Erin pitched this idea.  She'd brought it up before and even had a book on the subject, which I was supposed to have read, though I'd gotten only as far as the pictures.  

But hey, I'd read the interviews with Sting.  I knew what tantra was all about: prolonging sex in some vaguely Buddhist manner so as to produce mind-blowing climaxes.  'I'm in, ' I said immediately. 

'Okay,' Erin said.  'But you did read the book, right?'

'Right,' I said.

'So you know it's not just about sex.'

'Of course,' I said.

'The focus is not on orgasms.'

'Sure.'

'There are going to be some sessions where we just breathe together.'

'Hold up,' I said. 

The ensuing discussion went just about as badly as you might imagine.  I kept saying things like 'Couldn't we just quietly hump when you come back all sweaty from yoga?'

A pattern seemed to be emerging in our resolutions.  Erin was emphasizing activities that involved a fair amount of -- for lack of a better term -- emotional legwork.  I, being a dude, was more focued on revamping our physical repertoire."

Off in the side column there were "tips" from experts added to the author's experiment with his wife.  Regarding tantra, Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., a relationship expert and professor of sociology at the University of Washington offers this:

"Forge a connection.  Tantra isn't just about orgasms -- it's about connection."

The following technique offered by Schwartz is also one I recommend to all my clients seeking to connect with their partners.  It is simple and can be done clothed or nude (I prefer the latter).  Sit comfortably facing each other.  Both partners: Place your left hand on your lover's heart.  Start with eyes closed and just feel for one another's heart beat.  Breathe normally until you begin feeling at ease.  Next, open your eyes and gaze into your partner's with a soft focus while beginning to let your breath deepen a bit.  As your mind yields to all the chatter focus on aligning your breath with your mate's.  That's it.  That's all there is to it.  The connection may induce feelings of ease, peace, joy, love, compassion...and/or...you might slip into the state of meditation.  You can conclude this encounter or allow yourselves to transition into lovemaking while embracing those feelings and that deep connection.  

Obviously, I recommend the exploration of tantra for couples wishing to deepen their connection and enhance (every area of) their life.  And like Steve and Erin realized through their erotic resolution exercise, men and women approach sex differently.  Being able to communicate our unique desires and limitations is not something we are taught in school.  Often times, we get to a point where a lack of satisfaction drives us to seek alternative or creative solutions.  Or we can prepare/educate/empower ourselves in advance to avoid a fall-out.  This is where I come in.  Being a relationship, sex, and intimacy coach as well offering a tantra training program is how I support couples (and singles, btw) in articulating and creating fulfilling (sex) lives. 

To read the full article by Steve Almond, "Your Sex Wishes Granted", pick up the Febuary 2014 issue of Men's Health Magazine.  To find out if my coaching or training program would turn up the temperature on your love life, schedule a complimentary 30-minute call.  Finally, keep an eye out for my workshops (for the fellas and the ladies) in Austin, TX on the above topics and more!

~Colette

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