The Secret to Staying Intimately Connected While Running a Company

The Secret to Staying Intimately Connected While Running a Company

Sex and intimacy are what differentiate a marriage from a friendship or other kind of partnership. If you're married and not cultivating this aspect of the relationship, you can expect it to break down eventually. I've seen this happen so many times with clients and I have personally experienced it my own relationship.

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The Birth of a Book (That Will Change Lives)

The Birth of a Book (That Will Change Lives)

I recognize the title of this blog post is bold. It's a lot to live up to, right? The reality is, I might fail miserably at writing this book...and I'm doing it anyway.  

I'm claiming this position because it's what I want to create.

I have a deep desire to create something that gives me great joy, honors my unique gifts and experiences, and offers something useful to others. I've spent this morning writing, as I often do. But this morning, my birthday, I asked to be shown what there is to do now ... and what revealed itself to me is this:

WRITE A BOOK ABOUT SELF LOVE (SELF WORTH)

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Confessions of a Sex Coach (video 7)

HOLY SHIT!!!! Everything IS connected.

Click image to watch video

Here's the previous post called, Hiding From You.

And here's what I wrote in my Face Book post earlier this week:

Awareness Alert!

I just met someone who has a genetic condition called neurofibromatosis (he looked like the pic of the man below). I can only imagine what life is like for him on a daily basis. I have been hiding my face from the world because of this one lump (which I can camouflage with my hair). He cannot hide and yet he works as a barista at SBUX where hundreds (prob 1000s) of people will see him every day.

 

I've been comparing myself to others - the beauties I see and quietly wish I was more like PHYSICALLY (which includes old photos of myself, btw). But the reality is I AM NOT THEM and I will never be.

I walked away from that coffee joint feeling compassion for that dude and disappointment in myself.

The truth is I currently have a tumor and my judgement of it and my physical appearance is the number one reason I haven't been living my life to its absolute fullest. And as much as I can extend compassion and suspend my judgement of others.... I haven't granted MYSELF that same kindness.

That's what I find disappointing.

A dear friend said to me 2 days ago "Colette, when you come out of hiding and let the world see you, you will have more (love, money, opportunities, etc) than you can handle."

The experience of lack (of love, money, sex, travel) has been prevalent for a while... The awareness I received today from simply buying espresso from that guy at the coffee shop is a huge fucking eye opener for me.

This tumor may grow or shrink or get surgically removed one day. Just like my face will get wrinkles and my tits will sag one day. The thing about that is: SO FUCKING WHAT!

I'm done letting AN IDEA of what I should look like keep me from showing my face (which is representative of SHOWING UP for myself) to the world. I've got something to say and share and it I KNOW it will positively impact the lives of women (and men) everywhere.

So I guess this turned out to be some sort of declaration. (totally unintended 😳) and to the guy at SBUX w neurofibromatosis: THANK YOU for being a mirror for this gal.

I welcome the opportunity to support you... to be a mirror for you.  If you have a challenge you'd like to move past, take advantage of my 30-minute complimentary Clarify & Connect call. Just click the button to schedule.

XOXO, Colette

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Confessions of a Sex Coach (video 6)

Today's confession is all in the video as I am processing my present revelation and will write more when I have something to share.

click on image to watch video

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Confessions of a Sex Coach (sans video)

Hello Humans!
I'm feeling a really interesting buzz today. I spent some time meditating in the tub this morning. I'm also reading 2 books by Dr. David R. Hawkins, Power vs. Force and Letting Go. (these are 2 of the 3 books I'm reading at present) The insight I'm getting is all about SURRENDER.

My confession today is this: 

When it comes to energy and emotion (which is just energy IN motion), I've been in a pattern of Express, Suppress, Escape, and Avoid. The result of which is a sludge-like experience in my body and cloudiness in my mind and, I suspect, the lack of flow/abundance in my coaching practice.

Express- The Confessions series is an example of this. I also have moments with Matt in which I reveal my deepest desires and fears. The trouble, however, comes when I only partially express (keeping the real depth hidden) or I fail to follow through on that expression.

Suppress- This is a conscious choice to keep shit to myself or bury it...or in my case, swallow it. This is a very dangerous and debilitating practice. It is the result of on-going fear, shame, guilt and so on. Suppression of feelings (energy/emotions) is the root cause of many, if not all, illness. Yep. I just said that.

Escape- This is probably really familiar to everyone... we normalize escape through television watching, alcohol and drugs, over- or emotional-eating, excessive sleep, meaningless sex, mindless shopping and the like. Each of which I have had personal relationships with. They don't ultimately work, trust me. That thing we're trying to escape? It's still there.

Avoid- Now this is a tricky one. Avoiding can appear like we're doing good. This is the passionate work-aholic, the devoted doting mom, the super fit guy/gal. We all admire these people. It's culturally popular to DO all these things. If we look closely, however, it's very likely each of them is NOT actually feeling what there is to feel. They're not addressing something within the inner-most aspect of themselves. That's why they seek satisfaction in external experiences. Personally, I've avoided facing myself (and addressing my stuff) by trying to "help" others.  The problem in that is I show up with my "stuff" coloring the landscape of the interaction.  This limits my ability to be of great service to people.

When I look at this, it becomes evident that no matter how intent I am on "making it happen" or manifesting my vision, if I don't address the energy crisis I will not succeed. That's where the concept of "surrender" comes in.  

Letting go is not an action inasmuch as it is a quality.  In other words, there's nothing I have to DO to experience surrender. Of course, there are practices that will support this way of being like meditation, yoga, breathwork, etc. But the true essence of surrender is a state of being.

When I talk about states of being, I am referring to joy, love, peace, as well as fear, helplessness, anxiety.  These are all examples of states we humans experience. The common misconception around states of being is we think there's something we have to DO to experience them. Not true. That's GOOD NEWS, friends! You can be in the shittiest circumstances and, through surrender, immediately experience peace. You can be all bogged down with worry and stress and surrender in the moment, and literally in an instant, feel love or hope.

This is the new addition to my strategy for manifesting my vision. Surrender. 

Here are a few words from my morning journal sesh that followed my meditation:

Express, Suppress, Escape, and Avoid.  This has been my pattern. I am here-by breaking it on behalf of my intention to heal. I now surrender to what is. I now let go of the past and present feelings and thoughts that contribute to that pattern. I now release the sludge from my body and the blocks from my energy field. I now command the clouds to clear from my mind and all of my body's systems to instantly restore to their optimal functions. I am now willing to be the source for all my needs and wants. I am now willing to surrender to God and Goddess and Universal Mind. I am now willing to to be guided by the Great Force, Nature herself. I am now FREE.

I realize this post may be a little "out there" for some people.  That's a-ok.  Since the purpose of the Confessions project is my own growth and healing, I'm not sharing this to get popularity points.  I trust that my public display of personal growth is doing some good beyond my own limited experience.  And just as a heads-up, if you are human you have "stuff" that resides in your inner-most Self that wants to be addressed.  Consider that you are here to do just that. :)

Thanks for allowing me this expression of mySelf.


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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Confessions of a Sex Coach (video 6)

Today's confession is a "buy one get 3 free" situation.  What a deal!

Be sure to WATCH the video before reading the blog post or you might not get it.

Click image to watch video

I'm a day late with this post.  Not because I forgot or because I'm lazy, but because I had the great pleasure of working with clients that filled my schedule yesterday. Sure, I could've stayed late and pushed something out for you guys, but that's not how I roll.

Also, since we're about 2 months into a 6-month program, now is a good time to assess what's what. A lot has happened over the last 60 days and some of it is right in line with what I intended and some of it isn't.

My biggest "goal" is to establish integrity.  I have a vision in my mind of what my ideal life looks like, inclusive of who I am being, what I'm doing and the results of that.  I started this project confessing that my reality was NOT in alignment with my vision. Take a look at what Confession #1 revealed:

  • I suck at being consistent -- with exercise, clean eating, paying down debt, writing, etc.  
  • I've never actually had a bonafied business before and I'm not sure I can hack it as an entrepreneur.
  • Inner conflict #1: I want help/support with the day-to-day and I feel like I have to do it all myself. 
  • Inner conflict #2: I want to speak/present to large audiences and I'm scared shitless to be seen. 
  • I haven't had sex in months. (how's that for a confession?)  

I followed this with a breakdance...I mean breakdown that lead to this strategy:

And while I've been following this strategy somewhat, I haven't been entirely. So here's what's what.

I have NOT been exercising 3+ days a week with a friend.  I started out so strong and then derailed.  I have not actually exercised in over a week now.  I have been, however, using the morning to write and be creative. So in that regard, I AM doing what I said I would.

Next, I said Saturday and Sunday were to be specially designated for sensual pleasure and shop-prep-play.  That hasn't been the case entirely.  This has proven to be an unrealistic strategy for me to maintain relentlessly.  I am committed to sensual pleasure...it just doesn't have to occur specifically on Saturday.

Confession: Sensual Self-Pleasure is actually a BIG part of my creative process. 

I DARE you to tweet that!

As for a piggy bank for savings and paying off debt.  That shit is not happening. But I am selling a house that I've been holding on to for a past partner (current friend).  I won't go into the details other than to say my loyalty and commitment to agreements I make with others sometimes creates a personal detriment for myself. This recognition is result of my inner work.  So I'll be paying off debt and putting some dollas in the bank, yo!  Soon.

Now to address that old hag of a pattern that fears responsibility.  I am 100% stepping into my leadership role.  Owning my shit and expressing myself FULLY.

Take that ya old hag~!

To complete the strategy assessment, I have created a few media pitches, talks, and articles AND I am now focused on writing a book.  The book will serve as the foundation for all my programs and products that you will see birthed in the near future.

I'm creating AMPLOVEFY as a means of helping women identify themselves and leverage their unique gifts so they can create a (love) life they previously thought was not possible. To say I am excited about it is a massive understatement.

I suppose I should address the final confession from the video.  Healing above all else.

Maybe growth and development doesn't "start" with healing but instead it's a part of it. I am willing to look at it from a circular perspective rather than a linear one. Nature is circular, or cyclical. Nature expand and contracts. I think I honor that as an aspect of my healing.  This relates, too, to what I'm doing here with my stated commitments and the corresponding strategy I've created.

What if healing--which IS a part of my vision, doesn't look they way I think it should?

Maybe it is a result of remaining open rather than fixed or attached. One thing is for sure, it's not an intellectual pursuit.  There's only so much I need to understand to heal. What there is to do with the knowledge I have cultivated over the last 7+ years is weave it together with my intuition (while remaining open to all possibilities), set the intention, and be deliberate and consistent in my actions.  

This insight has lead me to being uber mindful of where my energy is spent. I'm now allowing attachments to dissolve and expectations to dissipate. I am willing to give up what I have held on to so fucking hard in order to heal.

I imagine THIS is what it means to be in integrity, spiritually.  And THAT is my commitment above all else.

I'm ready for the change, the new season, the next chapter...BRING IT ON.


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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Confessions of a Sex Coach (video 5)

Call me crazy!  In today's video I reveal the voices I'm hearing and what I'm doing about it.

Click on image to watch video

Ok. Ok. I'm taking a little liberty calling that a confession.  There are a lot of people who talk with their guides in a meditative state.  

I'm not always going to be sharing something dark and vulnerable with you guys. I need to be able to express playfulness, too, when that's the space I'm in.  

What there is to get here is that I'm consciously choosing to work on myself and display this journey publicly.  So there's gonna be all kinds of stuff involved in this.

Today, I'm sharing that my meditation put me in contact with my Guiding Goddesses. (side note: I just Googled "Guiding Goddess" and it's some chick selling waist trainers... That's not what I'm referring to here.)

My Guides respond to the open-ended questions I relay in an effort to align with the best version of myself. The message I'm getting now is one of healing. Heck, they always are, this time I'm just more receptive to hearing it.

If you read my last post, you'll recall that I've been spending some time in an introspective state.  One of the things I'm noticing is how I expect the introspection to sort of hurry up and give me what I need and come to a conclusion so I can get to DOING it already!  And by doing it, I mean creating the Big, Bold, Badass life I envision for myself. ;-)

The introspective phase is lasting longer than I want it to and I'm learning to be cool with it.

I imagine I will hit the ground running when I've gotten all there is to get here.  I look forward to consistently implementing the actions that come from the awareness and insight I'm allowing to surface.  And I'm practicing patience in the meantime.

It's like I'm "taking a vacation" from the previous perception I held about HOW I should be building my business and manifesting my vision.  Who knows, it may be a permanent vacay.

Maybe that's what there is to let go of... a perception of HOW things should go.  I can recall the ways in which I have thought healing would occur for me.  Seriously, I have tried more than a dozen methods that I thought were the answer.  What if instead of focusing on HOW, I focused on WHAT I intend?  What if this sorts out all the details for me?

In other words, if I focus on the result I'm intending -- the experience of being healed, then any choices there are to make become obvious.

That sounds like a useful motivator to me.  We'll see how it goes.

Here's an update on my status based on my commitments and strategy:

  • Writing 5 days a week-- it's more like 4 days/week (maybe this is my sweet spot?)
  • Create/Send pitches, articles, etc-- I haven't done this in 2 weeks.
  • Exercise 3+ days/week with a friend-- I have slacked off on this. Picking back up tomorrow!
  • Saving $20/week-- I've a new plan for being debt free with $$ in the bank--sell my investment property!
  • Saturday is pleasure-day-- I'm organizing the environment to support this.
  • Sunday is set myself up for success-day-- Not consistently... there's room for improvement.
  • 100% aware of the old pattern-- I am stepping into responsibility more now than ever!
  • On track for being in alignment with my vision by 12/31/15-- HELL YES...even with the "pause for introspection"!


 

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Confessions of a Sex Coach (video 3)

Holy crap!  Is it already the 20th? It totally sneaked up on me!  

I spent the entire weekend on a home improvement project that included replacing 90% of the plumbing under my kitchen sink and demo-ing a cabinet so the new frig would fit.  I live in a tiny little house, called The Bentwood Bungalow, that was built in 1949 and is all original with a few exceptions.  We're slowly making it more enjoyable for our modern-day lifestyle. :)

Today I'm going to talk business.  Specifically, sales.  That used to be a "bad word" for me until really recently.  

My confession for today is that even though I envision myself as a Big, Bold, Badass Entrepreneurial Goddess I struggle with consistently generating revenue and to do so I must shift my view of sales.  

Hell, I didn't even start using the term "revenue" until the last few months.

CLICK ON IMAGE TO WATCH VIDEO

With the exception of the first job I got right outta high school at Malibu Grand Prix in San Antonio, I've ALWAYS worked for myself.  Even when I was a call girl I was an independent contractor.  (Maybe one day I'll share memoir-like with ya about that period of my life.)

Here's the thing.  I've always worked for myself, and I've never treated the work I do like a BUSINESS.  It's been brought to my attention that I've been approaching things from a "healer mind-set" rather than a "holistic entrepreneur".  So basically my faith in the Universe has been my economic model (I just learned that phrase, too.) 

And while for a long time that sufficed for me, it no longer does.  

Don't misunderstand, I still have faith in the infinite wisdom and abundance of the Universe (feel free to use the word God here, if you like that better).  In fact, I suspect that is precisely what's compelling me to grow and see things from another angle. 

I've relied on my gifts as the Lover and the Mystic archetypes which include the following:

  • Charming
  • Present
  • Playful
  • Social
  • Adventurous
  • Perceptive
  • Imaginative
  • Spiritual
  • Empathic
  • Receptive
  • Untraditional

And now it's time to develop my dormant gifts, those of the Warrior and Queen archetypes. Check out the qualities they are known for:

  • Organized
  • Decisive
  • Ambitious
  • Competitive
  • Principled
  • Devoted
  • Unrelenting
  • Responsible
  • Ambitious
  • Action-Oriented

As I strengthen my areas of weakness (the Warrior and Queen qualities) I know that my vision is dependent on me being the BEST VERSION of myself and that I am capable of more than I have been so far.  

Allowing myself to be cool with the word, "sales", is a good starting point.  

If I am to realize my vision of "a global community of women executives and entrepreneurs who are tuned-in and turned-on, activating their hearts’ desires and manifesting lives they LOVE" it will be because hundreds...no, thousands of women bought what I'm selling.

What I'm selling is the promise of passion, pleasure, and play.   (TWEET IT)

My BUSINESS is a personal growth and development company for women who want it all. I partner with smart and stylish entrepreneurs & executives who recognize the value in finding their rhythm to harmonize their professional and personal lives.

The coaching programs (I sell) are designed to accurately expose the client's most authentic desires and compelling vision. We leverage your strengths while overcoming weaknesses, and utilize a custom co-created strategy that yields transformational results.

I have created AMPLOVEFY (my biz) because it takes personal growth and development and makes it COOL and FUN.  And that's exactly the kind of program I want to be in to create the FABULOUS life I desire.

So I guess you could say I'm selling A FABULOUS LIFE TO WOMEN WHO WANT IT ALL (and that includes ME).  I can totally get on board with that.  

Knowing that, I am no longer gagging at the mention of the word "sales" as it pertains to my business.  And I am learning and growing to achieve the results I desire.

Oh, and I stand behind what I'm selling...this series of confessions, aka a public display of personal growth, is me DOING my 6-month program.

I hope this episode serves you in some way.

If you want to talk privately with me about manifesting YOUR Big, Bold, Badass (and FAB) life, schedule a 30-minute complimentary Clarify & Connect Call.  It's free of charge. :)

See you again soon!

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Confessions of a Sex Coach (video 2.2) "Hiding from You"

I'm just gonna cut to the chase with this one. I've been hiding from YOU because there's still stuff about ME that I don't love.

CLICK ON IMAGE TO WATCH VIDEO 2.2

Making the videos has already helped me be more authentic.  Check out the ORIGINAL video 2 to see what I mean.  Writing about this stuff would be helpful to a degree, but when I see myself I can tell when I'm holding something back.  

Since the whole point of this journey is to get completely aligned with my commitments and my calling (aka be 100% in integrity), it's going to require me to be BOLD.

So let's talk about HIDING.  Several years back I was in a Landmark course, I forget which one, and we did an exercise where half the participants got up and formed a line, shoulder to shoulder.  The remaining half formed another line just like the first so that we were all facing someone.  There was only 12 inches between our faces. 

To say that we were in each other's personal space is an understatement.  

For this exercise we were to be still and silent.  We were to look into the eyes of the person (stranger) across from us, and to just observe them.  How do you think it went?

We were reluctant, shifty, uncomfortable, laughing, trying to keep a straight face, not making eye contact...For the most part, we all had trouble 'being' with each other.

Why?

The course leader went on to say the exercise was to demonstrate how afraid we all are of being seen.  He suggested we all "just do what ya want" and "be who you are" because...

Tweet: everybody else is so concerned with what YOU think of THEM that they aren't actually paying attention to you. everybody else is so concerned with what YOU think of THEM that they aren't actually paying attention to you.

This has stuck with me ever since.  Revisiting this is helping me now to come out of hiding.

I think it will be useful to dissect WHY we hide and are walking around afraid of being seen.  And since these are my confessions, I'll use myself as the example.

Through out my life I have hidden what I don't love about myself.  At one point it was my small breasts.  At another stage it was (really, what I THOUGHT were) my not-so-small thighs. For a long time it was the fact that I worked as a call girl in my early 20's. And for an even longer time I hid my general discontent (that would often progress to depression).  Lately I've been hiding my face, well actually my neck -- which according to the chakra system, corresponds to communication and self-expression.

Hmmm... I haven't been fully expressing myself and now I have a growth drawing attention to that area? Interesting how this is all inter-woven, huh?

This kind of universal alignment is what my badass bestie, Allison, and I call WATERBOTTLES!  (ask me about this, it's a pretty cool story)

So what's up with all the lack of self-love?

I know for sure I'm not alone with this issue.  In fact, my intuition tells me it's an issue that crosses cultural, generational, racial, socio-economical, gender, and every other identifier we use to label ourselves.  In other words, it's an issue we face as HUMANS.

How curious.

We humans struggle with self-love and at the same time we are hungrily seeking love from and generously giving love to others.  Oh, and let's not forget we're afraid of being fully seen and are uncomfortable looking strangers in the eye or acknowledge their humanity.

Why?  Why don't we LOVE ourselves and all others equally?  Why isn't this way of being our default setting?

My guess is it's because we are not SEEING ourselves and others as HUMAN BEINGS.

Instead we're seeing 'characters' and 'stories' and 'labels' and 'differences'.

For example, instead of seeing myself all along as a (fucking miraculous) human being, I was seeing a flat-chested girl or a flabby-thighed girl or a call girl or a woman with a tumor... AND I was making myself 'bad', 'wrong', and 'unworthy' of my my own love because of all those (human experience) things.

HELLO, judgement!

This is what we do.  We do it with ourselves and with others.  I wonder what the world would be like if we all just saw ourselves as human beings having human experiences and granted ourselves unconditional LOVE ... no matter what.

That's what Imma do starting right about... NOW.

I suspect the more I love; the less I'll fear. Without fear (or being afraid) I bet I'll be more willing to be seen.  Watch me show my face, and speak my truth, and live my purpose, and fulfill my mission.  I'm starting to get that this is the kind of responsibility it takes to live in my vision.

What is my strategy for letting love rule? (<------ be sure to click that link!) The first thing that shows up for me is: "get it tattooed on ya!"  That way I'll always be reminded that love, specifically self-love, is fundamental for living the life I intend and envision.  

Another part of my strategy is to continue writing and revealing those hidden parts of me -- bring 'em outta the dark and into the light, as they say.  #nomorehiding This truly fits with my intention to live with integrity and lead by example.

And now for a challenge.  We'll start small. You ready? We'll do it together.

Go look in the mirror.  Take a deep breath.  See yourSelf, not your story or your character, but YOU (a miraculous fucking human being).  Now LOVE the shite outta YOU!

What's not to love???  That hair is SUPER love-able! ;-)

So that concludes this episode of Confessions of a Sex Coach.  Here's an update on my status based on my commitments and strategy since the last one:

  • Writing 5 days a week-- it's more like 4 days/week (room to grow)
  • Create/Send pitches, articles, etc-- YES! and I like it!
  • Exercise 3+ days/week with a friend-- YES! and I LOVE it!
  • Saving $20/week-- not yet (Hey!  I'm not perfect)
  • Saturday is pleasure-day-- Pleasure, yes.  Sex, no. But we're making progress!
  • Sunday is set myself up for success-day-- Yes and there's room for improvement.
  • 100% aware of the old pattern-- I can't say I'm 100% aware, but I am taking actions I wasn't before.
  • On track for being in alignment with my vision by 12/31/15-- HELL YES!

 

Cheers for taking the ride with me, ya'll! 

And incase you missed the first video/blog. HERE IT IS.

XOXO, cd

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Confessions of a Sex Coach (video 1)

What I'm about to reveal to you is one of my deepest, darkest secrets (kinda).  

Through my personal growth and development I've come to the conclusion that the number one reason that we as human beings struggle and stress is: WE ARE OUT OF INTEGRITY.  Is it really that simple?  Yep.  But it's not easy to stay in or return to integrity when ya don't know where the misalignment lies.

I have the fortune of being supported (and challenged) by a great coach AND inner circle of friends who honor my intention to expand my capacity as a human being and "never stop growing". AND I STILL GET OUTTA WHACK!  But when the light finally shines on where I'm out of integrity and I see how it impacts my life and the lives of the people I love, my only job is to re-align and restore it.  

My confessions are the first step in coming clean with myself and the world.  I am doing this to vocalize the misalignment and expose myself (because I am so not perfect!) and then share my process for re-aligning with what matters most.  I imagine I'm not the only one who harbors the kinds of secrets I am about to reveal...and if through this public display of personal growth someone else is inspired to grow, then I have honored one of my biggest values: service.

Since I'm inviting others to trust me and my coaching process... promising to amplify passion, pleasure, and play in the {love} lives of women everywhere... I damn sure better be a living example of what that looks like.  The following represents my commitment to that...and to calling myself out when I'm not. 

Click on photo to watch the video

Now that you've watched the video.  I'm going to outline my process for manifesting the vision.  

Step 1: TUNE IN 

Here's WHAT'S SO (or the issue as I see it).  My life in reality looks nothing like the one in my imagination/vision.  Check it out...

  • I suck at being consistent -- with exercise, clean eating, paying down debt, writing, etc.  
  • I've never actually had a bonafied business before and I'm not sure I can hack it as an entrepreneur.
  • Inner conflict #1: I want help/support with the day-to-day and I feel like I have to do it all myself. 
  • Inner conflict #2: I want to speak/present to large audiences and I'm scared shitless to be seen. 
  • I haven't had sex in months. (how's that for a confession?)  

In my vision, however, I aspire to be someone who is sexy, lean, and strong as a result of consistent healthy choices.  I can see myself debt free and able to build my dream home while contributing resources to others in need. I can also feel what it would be like to have a full practice and be known as a Big, Bold, Badass Entrepreneurial Goddess elevating other 3B.E.Gs like myself.  I imagine being supported by a rock-star team who schedules all my appointments, including the paid presentations/talks I confidently give on a regular basis.  Oh, and I have a sex life that is expansive, energizing, and honors all my desires to explore the intimate and sexual potential of my relationship and body.

As you can see there's a discrepancy between who I intend to be and who I'm ACTUALLY being, what I'm ACTUALLY doing, and what I ACTUALLY have as a result.

Tweet: INTEGRITY is the alignment between one's calling /commitments and their actions. INTEGRITY is the alignment between one's calling /commitments and their actions.

Since I'm called and committed to being the person in my vision, I will explore what is out of alignment. This is important to me for three reasons.

  1. I believe everyone deserves both a super successful professional life and an extremely satisfying personal life.
  2. I know that the kind of work I'm here to do requires me to be a leader, and leadership does not exist in mediocrity. 
  3. When I am living with integrity, manifesting my vision and being the person I am capable of being, I feel fucking AMAZING.

So the next thing to consider is, "What are the environments, patterns, and habits that contribute to the current misalignment?"

Step 2: TURN ON

Having painted a picture of what I intend my life to look like, my vision, now I'll look at the structures, or externals, in place that need to be revamped.

Tweet: Guiding Structure means the structure of your Environment is the largest determinant of your behavior. Guiding Structure means the structure of your Environment is the largest determinant of your behavior.

Q: If I am inconsistent with exercise and healthy food choices, what can I do to make those choices easier?  

A: Work out with a partner for a more interesting and inspiring environment. Shop regularly and pre-make heat-and-eat meals to have healthy choices in my environment.  Reward myself with something fun like a summer dress or an indulgent meal at Uchi once a month for remaining consistent (because pretty dresses and sushi make the environment a thousand times better).

Q: What do I need to create so that I can effortlessly contribute a percentage of my monthly revenue to debt (and then savings)?

A: A steel trap that would eat my hand off if I tried to withdraw dolla bills, yo! (kidding, no I'm not)  Clearly, I have not worked out the environment that supports my intention.  I could use your help here.  What are your tricks for putting a percentage of your income away? (comment below, please!)

Q: What gets in the way of my writing every week?

A: To-do's and social media and email, and ...  The truth is I am not honoring my sacred practice, which for me is writing.  Crazy thing is, I actually have a room in my home AND an office that are perfect environments for this...so... I am recommitting to writing.  (on that note, there are other practices that are sacred, meditation, yoga, and being in nature...and I haven't been honoring them either.  That ends NOW.)

Q: What about my intimate relationship am I tolerating?

A: Oh, man. This is the sensitive stuff.  I feel like it's the BIG ONE, though.  I suspect this is the bulls eye.  This is the most dis-jointed aspect of my life that impacts all the others. The lack of my FULL self-expression in this area is what makes me feel like a fraud.  I'm a sex coach for fuck's sake!

Ok.  Here goes.  I'm tolerating the excuses of lack of time and energy and confidence and focus and finances and being in the mood and businesses to build and BULLSHIT like that. I'm tolerating an intimate relationship with a man where we are disconnected, dissatisfied and dis-eased.  I'm tolerating an unhealthy co-dependent relationship. Crap.  (big exhale)

I have to admit, confessing that feels really good.

So what is there to DO about it?  Well, I could leave.  End the relationship...trust me I've thought about it. A lot. Or I could recommit to creating a thriving intimate AND SEXUAL relationship with my guy. I know option B takes work.  I know I have to be willing to release resentment.  I know I have to SEE HIM differently.  I know I have to grow to achieve that goal. I know I have to communicate this in a way that engages him (rather than demeans or degrades him). I know I am capable of all of this and that it's what I really truly want.  

Ya know what else I know?  THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT PEOPLE COME TO ME FOR HELP WITH. 

Huh.  Coincidence?  Doubtful.

I can see the absolute relevance of what I'm experiencing and how going through it will only deepen my empathy and strengthen my ability to serve others through the manifestation of the vision.

Kinda cool if you look at it that way.

Now for the internals.  What thoughts or beliefs are holding me back from manifesting my vision?

Here's where I look at the inner conflicts for clues.  What does the thought, "I have to do it all myself" keep me from?  What is it about being seen that I'm afraid of?  What do I think I'll have to sacrifice to be a successful entrepreneur?  What do I believe that causes me to tolerate a sub-satisfactory love & sex life?

The answers are probably obvious to you...but this is where I encounter my blind spots. This is where getting coaching is so freaking powerful. (note to self: get coaching on this in the next session)

Good news!  My coaching session was super productive and revealed this: I resist being RESPONSIBLE.  

Being a leader, being successful, being an employer, being on stage or in the public eye, being the woman in my vision (who is fully self-expressed sexually, among other things) requires a higher level of responsibility than I have ever taken for my life.  That shit is scary!

To actually live in alignment with my vision, to be 100% in integrity I must be willing to be FULLY RESPONSIBLE for all that comes with it.  All of it.  

Now I see why I wasn't stepping effortlessly into the (badass Brian Atwood) shoes of the woman in my vision.

Part of my strategy, then, includes noticing when the fear of responsibility stops me from taking action.  Checking that old hag of a pattern when she shows up to drag me down will be an ongoing practice fo sho!

Step 3: ACTIVATE

Time to talk strategy.  The "type A" folks out there will love this stuff.  This is the HOW I get from where I'm at to where I want to be (remember that sexy, sophisticated, and successful woman in my vision?).

What better way to appease your organizational brain then to articulate my strategy with an infographic!

 

Step 4: MANIFEST

This is the final step in the process of transformation. I do, however, have to point out that it's not a hard-line finish.  One's personal development is not a fast food, impulse buy, "set it and forget it" thing. What I mean by that is once a goal is reached or a vision manifest, one of two things happen.  

One: A new vision/goal is created, enhancing the current one, and the process begins again.

Two: The need for maintenance and ongoing check-ins with the process have the manifested vision remain intact.

Since I've set the timer to ding in 6 months, I will ask the specific question, "Does my life reflect my vision?" And along the way, let's say every 10 days or so, I will check in to see if I am in integrity.  That is, "Are my actions in alignment with my commitments/calling?"

What it boils down to is: I am doing my AMPLOVEFY Custom Coaching Program, and leveraging the sessions I have with with my coach, Alicia Marie.  What you can expect from me are video "confessions" on the 10th, 20th and 30th of every month and accompanying blog updates (like this one) with a break down of my strategies and such.

Let me just be totally transparent.  I don't know how this will turn out and I am committed to doing it anyway.  I believe so strongly in the coaching process and my programs that I am willing to put myself on public display.  

This work matters to me so much and I want to manifest the vision so freaking bad that I am willing to stand "naked" in front of everyone and reveal my deepest darkest secrets in order to bring light to the areas that keep me from being the Big, Bold, Badass version of myself.

I do this not because I'm an exhibitionist (ok, maybe I do like being in front of the camera) but because I believe there are other women out there, like me, who will benefit from this in some positive way.  

When I got hip to my purpose and potential, I made it my profession to amplify passion, pleasure, and play in the {love} lives of women everywhere... and now I intend to lead by example.  Simple as that.

Stay tuned for more...

 

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport