Problems with PME?

GUYS- If you're challenged with PME then stop FUCKING your partner!

Tantra is not going to teach you some technique to fuck her longer. 
Tantra is about CONSCIOUS CONNECTION to yourself and your lover (And really, all of life). So if you want the act of sex to last longer then explore it as a vehicle for your mutual pleasure, connection, and expansion.

Tantra is a way of BEING that includes sexual self expression.

 

I know the media (ok, porn) has done a bang-up job of brainwashing you into thinking the longer and harder you can fuck, the better lover you are. WRONG!

What makes a masterful lover is your ability to be fully present, to enter into the encounter WITHOUT expectations but with genuine curiosity for what will bring you both pleasure at that particular time, along with patience, interest and intrigue in your bodies, and a willingness to be vulnerable at times and commanding at others.

Plus, sex is WAY MORE than just penetration. The word, "foreplay" is a joke if you ask me. Don't think of massage or oral or petting or making out or the use of toys as just the opening act that leads up to the main event. MIX IT UP. Enjoy all these things at random. OF COURSE she's going to be disappointed if all that goes down is a minute-long make out followed by you entering her and orgasming before she even gets her head in the game. Women tend to require a ramp up period to get fully aroused. Just because you can get erect in a moment's notice and blow your load lickety-split doesn't mean jack -- DO NOT relate your "sexual arousal and pleasure process" to a woman's. You will only mind-fuck yourself if you do.

And if you feel you are already doing this and you still come right away...then HAVE MORE SEX that way your body isn't over excited at the idea of her vagina enveloping your penis.

BOTTOM LINE is sex is a PART OF WHO YOU ARE (the very CORE ESSENCE, in fact) and expressing this aspect of yourself can be big-time pleasurable and fun and spiritually awakening even. If it's not, I promise it's not because you need to learn some new technique to last longer.

Want to actually LEARN how to be, do, and have what I just talked about? Call me. I teach tantra. Couples and women welcome, too. (and NO, I don't have sex with students...duh.)

P.S.  I get so many calls from men wanting a "quick fix" for this issue and they think tantra is going to give them the magic technique to keep fucking longer. When I share that my Tantra Program is 3 months long and is actually a spirituality-based personal growth and development program and that we don't have sex of any kind together they say "oh. ok thanks." and hang up. I KNOW men (and women) are not getting the level of satisfaction they want from sex. It's because we have all been taught THE WRONG THINGS about it. And yet we are ultimately driven by the deep desire to CONNECT intimately...so how about we LEARN HOW to do that in a way that actually serves us?


Comment

colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

How To Work With Me in 3 Simple Steps

Step 1: determine if coaching or training is a better fit for you. What is coaching?  What is training? Understand the policies and procedures before moving to step 2.

Step2: call my office (mon-fri 10am-6pm) to have your questions answered and to schedule your free 30-minute Clarify & Connect call.

Step 3: prepare for your first call (or training module) by thoroughly reading all paperwork, returning a signed agreement, and noting appointments in your schedule.

We are now partners working together to achieve your goals!



Next up:
What to Expect on Your First Coaching Call.


You Might Also Be Interested In:
Who I Work With.
Who I Don't Work With. 

 



Comment

colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

13 Sex-Drive Killers To Be On The Look Out For

Taken from medicinenet.com, the following are some contributors to a less-than-fabulous sex life.  How many would you say fit your profile?

Sex-Drive Killers:

1. Stress

The body does not react well to stress. Emotional stress may affect physical function, including sexual desire and performance. Realizing what underlying stressors may exist is the first step in treatment. Consider stress management practices such as yoga, massage, and meditation to help relieve the burden.

2. Partner

Sexual desire requires two to tango. Both partners need to feel connected and women especially need the feeling of being close. Poor communications, a sense of betrayal, lack of trust, and repeated fighting and criticism may create a relationship that lacks closeness and intimacy. Coaching may be the answer if couples find that the issues are too tough to resolve on their own.

2. Alcohol

Alcohol is usually not the answer to any problem. While alcohol may decrease inhibitions, it also decreases sexual performance and libido. Your partner may not appreciate a drunken advance and may be turned off by it.

4. Too Little Sleep

As with any physical activity, a rested body increases performance. Lack of sleep, including lack of proper sleep, may be the culprit that decreases sex drive. Sleep apnea is a potential cause for lack of good sleep and lack of libido. 

5. Having Kids

Being a parent is a full-time job and you need carve out time without a child or baby around. Planning quiet time for intimacy and sexual desire may require some creative thinking, like having sex when the baby naps, or hiring a babysitter so mom and dad can have a play date.

6. Medication

Side effects of many prescription medications include loss of libido and sex drive. Some examples include:

  • High blood pressure medications including water pills and beta blockers
  • Cold medications that contain antihistamines and decongestants
  • Antidepressants
  • Birth control pills
  • Narcotic pain pills
  • Chemotherapy drugs

7. Poor Body Image

Sexy is as sexy feels. Many people have low self-esteem when it comes to their body shape and this can affect their sex drive and desire. Being happy with yourself is an important first step. A supportive partner always helps or working with a coach to transform self-image can be a great tool.

8. Obesity

Obesity affects one-third of all Americans and being overweight can limit desire because of decreased sexual enjoyment, lack of performance, and poor self-esteem. How you feel about yourself goes a long way in affecting how you enjoy sex. Hiring a health coach may be helpful.

9. Low T

While a man's testosterone level gradually falls with aging, there is not necessarily any relationship between hormone levels and the desire for sex. It is just one potential cause for decreased libido and you may want to look for other causes in addition to just low testosterone (“low T”).

10. Erection Problems

Erectile dysfunction (ED) can not only affect the ability to have intercourse but also how a man feels about his ability to perform. There are many options available to treat ED and as a sex coach, I often work with men seeking a drug-free solution.

11. Depression

Depression affects all facets of life including sex drive. Losing pleasure in daily activities often requires treatment including counseling and perhaps medication. Unfortunately, some antidepressants also depress libido.  Exercise is a natural anti-depressant.  Eating a clean, unprocessed diet will also boost levels of feel-good hormones.

12. Menopause

Menopause may cause physical changes that affect intercourse, including vaginal dryness and pain with intercourse (dyspareunia). Natural treatments are available to enhance sexual desire and function after menopause.

13. Lack of Closeness

Making love is more than just sex. Intimacy and closeness are important part of a healthy love life. If sexual desire is waning, it may be time to inject romance back in the relationship. Snuggling, giving each other massages and spending casual time together may help ignite that spark.

Want to know how to turn things around?  Evaluating and strategizing are two main components of my coaching program...Contact me today for a FREE INTIMACY EVALUATION to get things moving in the direction you desire!



7 Steps to Revive Intimacy in Your Relationship

Working as a Relationship and Intimacy Coach, I often encounter male clients who report concerns about not doing the “right things” to stimulate and arouse their partner during sex. On the flip side, I also hear from women sharing versions of “we pretty much do the same thing every time” or “I’m not really into it” or “I don’t get turned on like I used to”.  These patterns have the ability to disconnect two people.

Since sex is often a touchy subject and in general, we are not in the practice of verbalizing our authentic sensual desires, I sense this challenge probably rings true for many couples at some point in their relationship. When this type of intimacy and communication start to break down, other aspects of the partnership may soon follow. However, sexual intimacy doesn’t necessarily have to wane as life gets more demanding. It can be easy to attribute the lack of energy or creativity to time constraints, kids, or exhaustion from work/life, etc. but the benefits of cultivating and maintaining a healthy sex life are too important to dismiss.

The 7-Step Sensual Sampler can help relieve some of the anxiety, frustration, or apathy in a relationship by reinstating fun, connection, and satisfaction. Imagine for a moment being curious about your lover’s turn-ons. What might it be like to have him/her lovingly explore your body? What would be possible if you were both in a playful, uninhibited state and were communicating exactly what you wanted to one another? Now imagine those same qualities of curiosity, loving exploration, playfulness, and clear communication carrying over into other aspects of your relationship. How could that strengthen the partnership?

Inspired by a Sex Nerd Sandra podcast, I recently created a the following intimate exercise to help both partners (re)discover what gets the motor running. I call it The Sensual Sampler. Think about it. When you’re uncertain what appetizer you want to eat, you order the sampler platter so you can explore and enjoy different flavors, textures, and so on. Maybe you really like some while other items on the plate don’t do it for you.  Do you ever find you’re fond of something you hadn’t tried before? Well this pleasure play exercise is just like that!

The Sensual Sampler works like this:

Step 1. Choose a time that works for both of you to just PLAY. You may have to schedule this and plan ahead if you’re very busy. Anticipation can be exciting!

Step 2. Begin playtime agreeing to just “see what feels good”. No expectations. No judgments or criticisms. No need to be serious. Really let your hair down.

Step 3. Decide who samples whom first. One of you gets to relax, breathe and feel. The other samples an area on your body no bigger than the space his/her hand (with fingers spread wide) covers.

Step 4. Kiss, lick, nibble, caress, massage, etc. that small area of your lover’s body while inviting them to respond.

Step 5. As the recipient of the sampling, share your experience with your partner. You might say things like: “good”, “not so good”, “harder”, “softer”, “more of that”, “move on”, etc. Essentially, you want to let them know what you like, what you don’t care for, and to what degree (really turns you on, feels okay, uncomfortable, etc.).

Step 6. Continue the Sensual Sampling until you’ve covered feet to knees, belly to buttocks, breasts and full back, hands, neck, ears…and ALL areas in between! Leave nothing unattended.

Step 7. Switch. Of course if you’re both so turned on and connected that the desire for passionate lovemaking is too much to ignore – go for it! Keep the fire stoked by carrying over the stimulating and arousing pleasure play techniques into intercourse.

You can always repeat steps 1-7 with the other partner sampling another time.

Based on my experience as well as the feedback I receive, if a couple is able to communicate openly in bed, they are more apt to speak freely and lovingly elsewhere.  The bonus here is you may encounter areas of your body that you did not know were pleasurable. More pleasure equals more ease. One thing’s for sure: this fun little exercise will shake up the routine. Plus, letting your hair down, communicating what feels good, and inviting your partner to playfully explore with you can really increase intimacy in a relationship. You never know, you just might learn something about your lover you have yet to discover.

Enjoy!

And if you'd like a COMPLIMENTARY personalized "Intimacy Evaluation" contact me today!

Allow Me To Clear Something Up

Ok, so there seems to be some confusion around what a sex coach does as well as how MY VERSION of tantra training works. 

Sex coaching can be conducted over the phone or, as some of my clients prefer, in person. This type of coaching facilitates the client's sexual awareness and fulfillment through healing, education, and empowerment. Sex coaches deal with sex head-on without any blame, shame, or negative judgment so that clients can talk about the things that seem difficult to talk about and get out of shame, guilt and/or fear and into freedom, pleasure, and fulfillment. 

Sex coaching does not mean having sex (in any form) with a client and coaching them to get better at a particular act. That's not what my coaching and training services are for. In fact, technique and skills can be learned through videos and articles online FOR FREE. Here are some resources:http://mytinysecrets.com/how-to-eat-pussy-a-magical-guide-for-evolved-people/ and http://mytinysecrets.com/how-to-give-a-yoni-massage-12-crucial-steps-to-make-it-life-changing-for-her/ and http://mytinysecrets.com/the-fine-art-of-penis-thrusting/

I hope that cleared that up.  

Now a little about tantra:
While the content of my Tantra Training Program revolves around an ancient spiritual philosophy that, among myriad other aspects to HUMAN BEING-NESS, addresses sexual and erotic practices, I DO NOT engage in said practices with clients. In my role as teacher, I welcome students' authentic self expression and intimate exploration through conversation, however, any and all tantric sex practices are intended to be shared with one's partner of choice. There are no sexual acts performed in any of my services. 

I find it increasingly interesting how our culture so narrowly views the topic of sex as AN ACT exclusively. And so if we're talking about IT or exploring IT, we must be offering to have IT, right? ...WRONG. It's this perception, along with the general perception that sex is sinful and dirty (yes, that's the buried puritanical belief left over from the "good" ol' days that's been passed on to all of us in various ways) that is destroying humanity. As human beings, are we not physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, AND sexual BEINGS? Why are we condemning an aspect of our humanity? Why are we making ourselves "wrong" and "bad" and "dirty"? Is it possible that in so doing we cultivate anger, fear, guilt, and shame? What would life be like if we stopped doing this to ourselves and stopped projecting this exceedingly low vibrational energy toward each other and the world?

This is why I study and teach tantra. Its philosophy and evolutionary practices are a guide for living in harmony with true human nature. I have seen and personally experienced the destruction rejecting an integral part of one's self does. I'm here to end the suffering. This is me doing my part to give voice to that which we are shamed into "keeping our mouths shut" about and "keep private and hidden". 

With the greatest Love an Honor... cd

 

 

Comment

colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport