Waiting -- As If Tomorrow Will Always Come

Less than 24 hours ago I realized (with the help of my coach) that I have been WAITING for my life to get started...to get good.  What I want to experience: A strong, lean, balanced body...A passionate and playful love life with a man I'm excited to be with...A thriving multi-million dollar business with a world-wide reputation for delivering transformational results...A beautiful custom built modern home filled with friends and family...A ton of travel to places all over the world for work and play--that is, the VISION I have for my life at this stage --  I've been imagining but not acting on.  Or rather, not acting BOLDLY and CONSISTENTLY on.

Bold and consistent action.  This is my new mantra.  Sure, I could keep doing what I've been doing, mostly imagining--with sprinkles of action all tinted by a lack of confidence and a subconscious belief that what I want will never actually happen.  But then in a year or two when I've only progressed to the point of where I could've been in only a few short months (if I were taking bold and consistent action), I'll be frustrated and depressed that my life doesn't look the way I want it to.  Kinda like now.  

NO THANKS!

I want a BIG, BOLD, BADASS life.  One full of passion and meaning and contribution and travel and play and PEOPLE -- to work with, to play with, to grow with.

In coaching, my small, safe, boring bubble gets burst over and over again.  Sometimes that happens gently, and other times it's with a resounding BANG -- yesterday's coaching session was a big bang for me.

I fucking love you, Alicia Marie!  I am by far the best version of myself when I'm in coaching (and yes, I just keep getting better and better ;-).  My confidence has been amplified, this level of clarity makes everything, most importantly what actions to take, OBVIOUS.  As in: OF COURSE I should be working primarily with women, OF COURSE I need to be writing and sharing these observations all the time, OF COURSE I need to be on stage speaking to groups (dare I say large audiences?) of women.  

It's these things: clarity, confidence, and bold and consistent actions that will have me living IN my vision rather than imagining it as though its a far away galaxy to be dreamed about.

My vision of being a best-selling author, engaging speaker, and extraordinary coach with a thriving multi-million dollar business that has a world-wide reputation for delivering transformational results...and...my mission to elevate passion, pleasure, and play in the bedrooms of people everywhere by cultivating and supporting integrity, harmony, and vitality in each of us...may seem lofty (at the moment). But I'm super excited because I've got a badass coach who is committed to me manifesting that reality and an extraordinary support system (my tribe, you know who you are) keeping me accountable to it.  

I encourage every other woman (who's ready) to feel confident, powerful...big, bold, and badass in business and in the bedroom!

THIS is my focus.  My commitment.   My purpose.  It's what I'm here to do...starting with MYSELF.  Get ready to see and feel the energy IGNITE and ELECTRIFY anyone who's around me. 

No more small, safe, and boring from me...and whoever else is ready to be done with that shit -- let me know...I got something for ya!

xoxo--cd


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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Tantric Sex: A Step By Step How-To (part 1)

A superb article that will guide couples interested in the art of Tantric love-making.

(Originally posted on How Stuff Works)

Have you ever experienced a moment of sexual ecstasy? How did it make you feel? Exhilarated? Luminous? Deeply connected? Intense sexual experiences are one of our greatest sources of pleasure.

At the same time, sex is often regarded with an equal measure of fear and fascination. We may crave sexual intimacy to the core of our being, yet also take great pains to avoid it. We may wish to be touched with all of our heart, yet fear our own vulnerability. We may long to rekindle lost passion, but have forgotten how to light the fire.

The practice of Tantra shows us how to reclaim the sexual intimacy that is our birthright. And through this most ancient of arts, we may discover new joys of the erotic and expand mere moments of sexual ecstasy into a lifetime of sexual bliss. At a time when the stresses, fears and distractions of daily life threaten so many relationships, the age-old practice of Tantra shows us how to open our hearts, our emotions and our sexuality.

What Is Tantra?

Although Tantra has long been practiced in many eastern cultures, it is just beginning to flourish in the United States. Born in India more than 6,000 years ago, Tantra emerged as a rebellion against organized religion, which held that sexuality should be rejected in order to reach enlightenment.

Tantra challenged the acetic beliefs of that time, purporting that sexuality was a doorway to the divine, and that earthly pleasures, such as eating, dancing and creative expression were sacred acts.

The word Tantra means "to manifest, to expand, to show and to weave." In this context, sex is thought to expand consciousness and to weave together the polarities of male (represented by the Hindu god, Shiva), and female (embodied by the Hindu goddess, Shakti), into a harmonious whole.

Couples need not adopt the Tantric pantheon in order to benefit from the sexual wisdom of this ancient art. Tantric sexual practices teach us to prolong the act of making love and to utilize potent orgasmic energies more effectively.

Tantra is also health enhancing. "Sexual energy is one of our most powerful energies for creating health," says Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom."

"By using sexual energy consciously...we can tap into a true source of youth and vitality."

How Is Tantric Sex Unique?

In the West, we sometimes view sex as a source of recreation rather than a means of transformation. The goal may be to reach orgasm rather than to pleasure our lover or to connect with him or her more fully.

Beginning Tantric Sex Techniques

The usual kind of lovemaking, say sex experts, has a distinct beginning and ending, with a climax somewhere in between and an average duration of 10 to 15 minutes. Given that women can take about 20 minutes just to reach full arousal, this type of sexual experience can be deeply unsatisfying.

In the Tantric model, the sexual experience is seen as a dance with no beginning or end. There is no goal, only the present moment of exquisite union. For this reason, lovemaking is meditative, expressive and intimate. Tantra teaches lovers how to extend the peak of their sexual ecstasy so that women and men can experience several orgasms in a single sexual encounter.

Leading teachers of Tantra suggest that even men who experience premature ejaculation can learn how to extend orgasm, and, with practice, to enjoy multiple orgasms. One of the most well known advocates of Tantra is the musician, Sting, who credits his fulfilling sex life to this ancient art. With ingredients such as love, trust and mutual respect, the magic of Tantra is available to couples of all ages and levels of sexual experience.

The following exercises will help you reconnect with your body and with your partner in a profound way. As you move through these steps, do not focus on intercourse as the ultimate goal. Instead, simply enjoy giving and receiving pleasure using gentle touch and loving words.

Communicate with your lover to discover what he or she finds most arousing. Try to spend several weeks practicing the Tantric Intimacy Exercises without necessarily engaging in intercourse. For many, experiencing these erotic exercises with no pressure to "go all the way" helps release sexual guilt, builds trust and reawakens sexual desire. Enjoy!

Welcoming Love

Make time for each other every week. Plan a sexual rendezvous at least once per week. Set aside an hour or more of uninterrupted time to be together. Although it may be difficult to find the time or to manage children, you won't be able to benefit from Tantra if your relationship is not a priority.

Create an inviting atmosphere. Whether you meet in your bedroom, living room or another space in your house, creating a sacred space for each other will help relax you and bring you into the moment. Candles, fresh flowers, erotic art, finger foods and tantalizing aromas can transform any room into a temple of sexual delight. Even something as simple as dimming the lights and playing erotic music will help create a welcoming environment.

Dress provocatively. Or, wear nothing at all. Experiment with clothing or accessories that make you feel sexy and excite your partner.

Tantric Intimacy Exercises

Use ritual to develop intimacy. Begin your journey with a ritual. This may be something as simple as feeding each other delicious foods or sharing a glass of wine in the nude. Some couples enjoy bathing together in order to attune to each other.

Take time to wash each other with loving care. Water relaxes the body and is a symbol of sexuality. Massaging each other is also an excellent way to fuse your energies. Or, read poetry to each other, dance, play, listen to music—work on developing new intimacy skills. Most importantly, use this time tocommunicate,sharing what you adore about each other. The idea is to help each partner feel loved and cherished.

In order to fully focus on each other (rather than on the goal of sex), some lovers experiment with various intimate rituals for several weeks before moving on to the next steps or engaging in intercourse. This is a wonderful way to strengthen the bonds of love and ignite passion.

"The only time we ever think about breathing is when we have trouble doing it, yet conscious breathing can be a powerful aid in sexual growth," according to sex therapist Marty Klein, Ph.D. of Palo Alto, California. Breathing exercises also quiet the mind and help you focus on each other.

Try this exercise: Sit quietly, cross-legged, facing each other. Rest your hands on your knees with your palms facing up. As you gaze into your partner's eyes, take soft, but deep breaths. Keep your eyes open, gazing beyond the eyes, into the soul. Although this may feel awkward at first, sustained eye contact is essential for building intimacy.

Now, pay attention to your breathing. Begin to breathe at the same pace, bringing air slowly in through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Maintain eye contact while you breathe together. Practice this exercise until you can sustain eye contact and harmonized breathing for about 10 minutes. Then, you may move into the next exercise.

Experiment with erotic touch to fully appreciate your partner. This most pleasurable practice will help you become better lovers. Although you should continue to maintain eye contact, don't worry about keeping your breath synchronized. Breath will come back into play later. Guide your partner as you take turns stimulating each other. Describe exactly how you would like to be touched.

Share your desires in an encouraging way, making requests in a clear and loving manner. For example, ask your lover to caress your clitoris or penis (or any erogenous zone), encouraging him or her to apply more or less pressure, to stroke in a specific pattern, to use the tongue, etc. Thank your lover and let him or her know with words or sounds that you are enjoying this sensual touch.

Once you become comfortable with this process, you may wish to create a "pleasure chest." Include whatever excites you and your partner—a feather, vibrator, massage oil, blindfold, soft fabric, erotica and loving notes to each other are just a few ideas. As you pleasure each other, don't be shy about asking for something different. This is your time for appreciation, experimentation and for taking responsibility for your own fulfillment by asking for what you want.

From here, you may wish to embark on your own erotic journey. Create amorous adventures together, exploring new and creative ways to awaken each other's bodies and minds. Then, you will be ready for Tantric lovemaking.


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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

13 Photos to Get You in the Mood

I have a vision board for my intended travels, dream home, and physique.  I thought it might be fun to create one for my ideal sex life, too.  Enjoy these images...and let them inspire you to 'Sext' your lover about what you have in mind for later!

 

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Tantra and Holistic Health

In most Western societies, sex is viewed as a physical and often taboo act between two people with the goal of reaching physical orgasm. It's something we "do" rather than part of who we "are".  Most people understand that there is a certain amount of chemistry behind it but only insomuch as there are certain areas that stimulate pleasure and certain chemicals that are released during orgasm. It’s still regarded as a purely physical act, regardless of the fact that you may use mental stimulation to reach orgasm. Not so with tantric sex.

Tantric sex is a whole other ballgame. All pretenses are dropped. There’s no need to pretend that you’re a wonderful lover because that defeats the purpose of the act. Tantric sex is all about two people coming together in search of enlightenment, self-awareness and spiritual ecstasy. The body is there and participating but it isn’t the central focus; instead it’s the vehicle.

Tantric Energy

Practitioners of tantric sex appreciate the energy that sex generates. This is a pure energy, with no negative force or connotation to it at all. It is purely good. So good, in fact, that it permeates the entire universe. It’s an all-encompassing life energy that strengthens everything and everybody that it comes into contact with and the fact that we have that within us puts us at a level with "the gods" when we participate in tantric sex correctly.  You may have heard this energy called Chi, or Prana, or Kundalini, or Shakti.

Tantric Equality

Because everything has a contradictory force, male and female aren’t recognized as separate forces but rather as equal yet opposite polarities that come together in every person. Men have female energies and women have male energies. Much like the yin and yang, dark and light, or up and down, male and female are simply two inseparable parts of the same whole.

Taking that into consideration, during tantric sex, there is no leader or follower, no master and student. There are only two parts of the same whole coming together to create one of the most powerful forces in the universe: love.  Love is the word we give to represent that which moves us, that which is pure and unbounded.  

Tantric Life Force

When male and female halves come together in an authentically tantric way, setting aside all Western misconceptions, fears and inhibitions, pure energy - life force may be harnessed. Because tantric sex is simply about enjoying the energy and reaching enlightenment, all of that garbage and pressure to perform can be set aside. This leaves room for the natural life force, the Kundalini - Shakti, to be released.

When you truly come together, and reach that level of enlightenment, the intense life force that you will experience will be better than any physical orgasm you’ve ever experienced. You’ll be in touch with everything in the universe and will be able to exchange this healing, powerful, joyful energy with everything around you. This is truly the intention of tantric sex.  And like anything else worthwhile, it must be practiced to be continually experienced.  

What is Kundalini-Shakti?

"In India, kundalini is personified as the Divine Mother: Shakti Ma, Kali Ma, or other goddesses. She is the feminine power at the base of the spine, which travels up the spine to unite with the masculine power, her consort, Lord Shiva (Shakta), in the seventh chakra, sahasrara. This union of opposites is a powerful symbol depicted in all cultures.

In the ancient scriptures, kundalini is described in three different manifestations. The first is unmanifest cosmic energy: Para-kundalini. The second is vital energy of the created universe: Prana-kundalini. The third is consciousness: Shakti-kundalini, the intermediary between the other two.

Shakti-kundalini is the link to higher awareness, the revealer of all mantras, and the eternal source of bliss flowing from sahasrara (crown chakra). Through her shristi krama (process of creation), she creates by descending from sahasrara through all the chakras. She sustains by abiding in the muladhara chakra. Through her laya karma (process of absorption), she destroys or dissolves by ascending and returning to sahasrara.

When Shakti descends to the lower chakras, she is known as jagan mohini (world bewilder) and causes maya: delusion, limitation, ignorance, and ensnarement in material life. As she descends, she becomes grosser and loses her power and subtlety.

As kundalini shakti ascends through the chakras, she becomes subtler. On her pathway upward, she reabsorbs all the creative principles that originally descended from sahasrara. This is called laya-absorption. During this homeward journey, Shakti removes the veils of maya (illusion), which evaporate like a mirage.

As kundalini ascends through the chakras, mental limitations are gradually removed so consciousness can shine in its pristine glory. Mental fluctuations settle down and the mind becomes serene. Awareness flows smoothly and the mind becomes a vehicle for bliss and happiness.

At sahasrara chakra kundalini merges with Shiva, who is identified with her. In her formless state she is consciousness. In her creative form she is Shakti, the power of manifestation.

Therefore, kundalini's descent creates increasing ignorance, bondage, and delusion. The same kundalini energy, as it ascends, causes spiritual awakening, freedom, and wisdom."

Exploring Chakras: Awaken Your Untapped Energy
Susan G. Shumsky, New Page Books (January 1, 2003) pp. 70-1

If you’d like to learn how to experience tantric sex with your significant other and release your own personal Shakti, contact me for the Tantra Training application.

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

A Bit About TANTRA

Did you know in ancient times, tantrikas were tutored by teachers in the art of love as well as 64 OTHER arts and sciences? Those who practiced tantra had a multidisciplinary education and were considered to be among the highest ranking, most sophisticated members of society.

Today, we are more than likely to have a well-rounded education from school, travels and our chosen occupations. But few of us have EVER been taught the art of conscious loving and more importantly, how to cultivate our unique sexual-spiritual capacity through love-making.

The good news: Couples can learn and teach each other, and Tantra can help. (yay!) You might consider Tantra as an "extension course" - a master class in love an relationships. Now this is a class we might all be eager to show up for! The experience can be extremely powerful. Consider when a woman's fire is tended and fed by her most intimate partner, the benefits are manifest for both lovers. But for women, especially, the rekindling of dormant sexual fires can lead to startling, unexpected sensations. A woman's sexual awakening can, unlike a man's, propel her on a spiritual path. According to tantric texts, women's enlightenment is facilitated by the electric charge of her orgasmic nature. Through the sacred sexual experience, a woman activates a powerful sexual/spiritual energy (known as shakti) which releases itself into her physical body and her psyche, creating the atmosphere for her awakening and spiritual enlightenment. Tantra recognizes spirituality as a kind of rearrangement of the same energy as sexuality.

Once a woman is awakened, both partners benefit. Her desire and satisfaction increase feeding the desire and satisfaction of her mate, which engenders total authentic giving and receiving by the two. Tantric lovemaking promotes health and vitality. Psychologically, too, Tantra is a healing art. It allows for overcoming negative charges in the second chakra, where we can retain imprints from information passed on by parents, religion, past experiences, embarrassments, etc. Tantric practices can discharge the negative energy, balancing the sacral chakra and in so doing make enormous resources of positive energy available to all areas of life. Some discover energy they never knew they had, a creative energy that refreshes the mind, replenishes vitality and restores passion for life.

I don't know about you, but this sounds like THE BEST MEDICINE EVER! Side effects? ... Only a lot more joy, fun, freedom, and connection.

If you find your interest aroused, I am here to hold space for your exploration and with wisdom and compassion guide you (and your partner) to an enlightened experience of love and life.

I work with individual men and women as well as couples intent on harmonizing and enhancing their relationships and their lives.

 

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport