How to Heal

How to Heal

These steps will turn your pain around in 24 hours (or less)

For those of us who seek healing we oftentimes get stuck on the HOW. If you’re like me, you’ve done a lot of work to determine the WHAT, that is, what the “wound” actually is. If you haven’t done that yet, I teach a class on core wounds you’ll want to take before doing the following exercise. Knowing what’s at the core of our issues is comforting but just having the awareness isn’t enough.

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How's Your Relationship...with YOURSELF??

How's Your Relationship...with YOURSELF??

Self-esteem is something I used to struggle with BIG TIME.

For years, I did not think I was good enough to be the woman I fantasized about being living the life of my dreams. So while I set goals for myself and envisioned my life when I would reach them, subconsciously, I *knew* I couldn’t really get there. I didn’t deserve that kind of happiness and success. So I would sabotage my efforts and feel like shit about it and “cope” with food or booze or shopping (hello credit card debt!).

And then Lumpy came on the scene and eventually I had to deal with my self-image issues.

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The New Normal - Five Steps to Transforming Your Life with Ease

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about 'The New Normal' or what I would describe as a new set-point for daily life.

A specific example of this from my own life is my fitness level. For months and months (and MONTHS) I tried to get consistent with diet and exercise and my yoga practice. I would journal about it and create strategies and and even post about my intentions publicly. And for months and months I failed at achieving the kind of results I wanted.

Today, however, I have even better results than I imagined for myself. So what gives? How did I go from an ongoing battle with myself - which would include a lot of guilt and frustration - to this New Normal where I am strong and lean and feeling really fucking great about myself - effortlessly choosing to eat clean and train at the gym almost every day?

I'll tell ya. And it's not as big of a deal as you might think. Follow these five steps and you will find yourself living a New Normal, too.

STEP 1: Clear Vision

This is the VERY FIRST THING YOU MUST DO to transform any area of your life. The question to ask yourself is, "What do I want to create?". If you don't know your WHAT you'll constantly be in a state of confusion, which is super draining, trust me.

Your WHAT must be deeply compelling. In other words, my WHAT was initially about "losing weight" but that wasn't compelling enough. Then it was "fitting into my clothes". Still not compelling enough. Eventually, my WHAT became "having more than enough energy to do all the things I want to do in a day and feel lean and strong and clear-headed".

If you want to transform your body or relationship or even travel the world, get clear about 'what you want to create' in that area and make sure it's compelling. That is, it has deep significant meaning for you and your experience of life.

STEP 2: Anchors Away

Now that you are connected to WHAT you want to create it's time to release the anchors. And by anchors, I mean the physical and emotional stuff that's weighing you down and keeping you stuck. Think of it like 'clearing clutter'. 

Where are you suppressing, resisting or avoiding? What coping mechanisms or distractions are you allowing to come between you and your desired outcome? What or who are you hanging onto that is no longer serving you?

We all have them. Usually, the most potent of these are emotional. We hold on to physical things and people and patterns of behavior because they keep us insulated (or 'safe') from our lower vibrational feelings. Emotions are powerful and some can be really uncomfortable and disruptive to our lives.

The best advice I can give here is JUMP.  Jump off the mother fucking cliff and see what happens. Yes, you might feel terrified and be in a free fall with the ground coming at you at a thousand miles an hour. I HAVE BEEN THERE. And you know what? You'll find that you have the capacity to FLY. You'll find your wings and soar like an eagle. It happens every time.

STEP 3: Success Set Up

After letting go of the stuff that's not supporting you and your WHAT, it's time to set up environments conducive to your success. This especially includes the people you surround yourself with. 

They say you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.

From my experience, this is a #truestory. In my case, my fitness game got amplified by the fact that my best girlfriend - a personal trainer and wellness consultant - moved in with me. I've also been dating men who are into fitness and yoga, eating well and making healthy lifestyle choices. So I'm surrounded by people who inspire and motivate me to be successful.

Not only are the people in your life indicative of your success, your environments play a huge role in it, too. Look around you. Your home - is it a reflection of you and what you want to feel? Or is there just a bunch of random stuff taking up space? What about your work environment? Are you among high-energy happy people who are stoked to be there? Or are things mind-numbing where you can't wait for the day to end? 

Remember this is all about creating YOUR NEW NORMAL so you may have to shatter some old norms to get to the new one. Stay connected to your WHAT and the decisions to break out will be less painful.

STEP 4: Consistent Actions

The key to creating any lasting transformation is consistency. Every action is a CHOICE. 

You have likely been choosing the same actions for a while and thus have the results you currently have. The good news is, when you choose to create a New Normal, you shift your actions and the results follow.

I used to struggle big time with being consistent in my work outs. I recognize now that I was not connected deeply to a compelling WHAT. So my lack of choosing to exercise on a daily basis was a natural response. Now, it's no-brainer to make time in my schedule for the gym, trail, and/or yoga. No 'force' is involved what-so-ever.

My coach helped me assimilate the concept of "where there is no consistency, there is suffering".  Yes, SUFFERING.

Pain and struggle are a part of life. Suffering doesn't have to be. It is a CHOICE.

Choose to do whatever you must to get clear about WHAT you want to create and the rest of these steps will be easy.

STEP 5: Evaluate + Refine + Grow

Ok. That's like three things in one step but they all work in harmony. As you create your New Normal it's imperative that you stay alert and evaluate your progress. Doing so without harsh judgements. Forgive yourself for any fuck-ups along the way. YOU'RE HUMAN. Check in with your support system to help you be objective with this.

Refine or tweak what needs adjustment. This is unavoidable. You will ultimately be growing and evolving in this process and what strategies are workable will, too. So just factor that shit in.

Your personal growth and transformation is the WHOLE POINT here. If you are not motivated to be a better version of yourself and live a more satisfying, fulfilling and badass life ...then stay where you're at. Not growing and evolving is the surest way to repeat the days, weeks, and years you've already lived. 

Plenty of people do it. I'm not one of them and I bet the people you admire aren't either. 

The bottom line is this. You have ONE LIFE. And it's super duper precious and short. You can stay in your current state of normalcy (which may be really great, btw) or you can look at where in your life you are ready to transform / up-level and make that shit happen.

This article is a 5-step process to support those who want a New Normal. I speak from lots of experience here - both in my own life and in my coaching practice. If you really really want a New Normal but don't think you can do it on your own, let's talk. I got you.

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Ring In the New Year Right!

I was reminded today that my job is to be a facilitator for the most powerful force there is, LOVE.

In honor of that and to support YOU experiencing self-love (while getting crystal clear so you can set yourself up for success in the new year) I am offering a $200 scholarship to the IGNITE program for the first 8 people who sign up.

The usual investment is only $497... 
However, enrolling by Sunday, January 3rd gets you 4 weeks of coaching for less than $300!!

Isn't it time you decided to GET CLEAR and TAKE FOCUSED ACTION in the very first month of the new year...so you don't repeat the shit storm that was 2015?

http://www.colettedavenport.com/ignite

In 4 Short Weeks You Will:

  • Create a COMPELLING and achievable vision for your {love} life
  • Reveal the top 3 barriers to your most FULFILLING {love} life
  • Establish a FUN & EFFECTIVE plan-of-action filled with ideas, tips, and tools to have your vision become a reality in no time
  • Learn the SECRETS to strengthen your “love muscles” (it’s not what it sounds like :-)
  • Get LIVELY support to help make the power up process EASY ...and 
  • IGNITE the flame within your heart & soul magnetizing the LOVE you desire…”like a moth to a flame”

BONUS: You'll also get my exclusive 3P Planner: a strategy with ideas, tips, and tools to power up passion, pleasure, and play.

P.S. this is a 4-week strategy program that works for your love life AND/OR your health, your career & your finances. Pick the one that's most out of alignment and let's get you back on track!

P.S.S. SHARE this post ... You know you're not the only one of your friends who need some re-organizing. They will thank you (and the world will be a better place).

‪#‎AMPLOVEFY‬

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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Confessions of a Sex Coach (video 6)

Today's confession is a "buy one get 3 free" situation.  What a deal!

Be sure to WATCH the video before reading the blog post or you might not get it.

Click image to watch video

I'm a day late with this post.  Not because I forgot or because I'm lazy, but because I had the great pleasure of working with clients that filled my schedule yesterday. Sure, I could've stayed late and pushed something out for you guys, but that's not how I roll.

Also, since we're about 2 months into a 6-month program, now is a good time to assess what's what. A lot has happened over the last 60 days and some of it is right in line with what I intended and some of it isn't.

My biggest "goal" is to establish integrity.  I have a vision in my mind of what my ideal life looks like, inclusive of who I am being, what I'm doing and the results of that.  I started this project confessing that my reality was NOT in alignment with my vision. Take a look at what Confession #1 revealed:

  • I suck at being consistent -- with exercise, clean eating, paying down debt, writing, etc.  
  • I've never actually had a bonafied business before and I'm not sure I can hack it as an entrepreneur.
  • Inner conflict #1: I want help/support with the day-to-day and I feel like I have to do it all myself. 
  • Inner conflict #2: I want to speak/present to large audiences and I'm scared shitless to be seen. 
  • I haven't had sex in months. (how's that for a confession?)  

I followed this with a breakdance...I mean breakdown that lead to this strategy:

And while I've been following this strategy somewhat, I haven't been entirely. So here's what's what.

I have NOT been exercising 3+ days a week with a friend.  I started out so strong and then derailed.  I have not actually exercised in over a week now.  I have been, however, using the morning to write and be creative. So in that regard, I AM doing what I said I would.

Next, I said Saturday and Sunday were to be specially designated for sensual pleasure and shop-prep-play.  That hasn't been the case entirely.  This has proven to be an unrealistic strategy for me to maintain relentlessly.  I am committed to sensual pleasure...it just doesn't have to occur specifically on Saturday.

Confession: Sensual Self-Pleasure is actually a BIG part of my creative process. 

I DARE you to tweet that!

As for a piggy bank for savings and paying off debt.  That shit is not happening. But I am selling a house that I've been holding on to for a past partner (current friend).  I won't go into the details other than to say my loyalty and commitment to agreements I make with others sometimes creates a personal detriment for myself. This recognition is result of my inner work.  So I'll be paying off debt and putting some dollas in the bank, yo!  Soon.

Now to address that old hag of a pattern that fears responsibility.  I am 100% stepping into my leadership role.  Owning my shit and expressing myself FULLY.

Take that ya old hag~!

To complete the strategy assessment, I have created a few media pitches, talks, and articles AND I am now focused on writing a book.  The book will serve as the foundation for all my programs and products that you will see birthed in the near future.

I'm creating AMPLOVEFY as a means of helping women identify themselves and leverage their unique gifts so they can create a (love) life they previously thought was not possible. To say I am excited about it is a massive understatement.

I suppose I should address the final confession from the video.  Healing above all else.

Maybe growth and development doesn't "start" with healing but instead it's a part of it. I am willing to look at it from a circular perspective rather than a linear one. Nature is circular, or cyclical. Nature expand and contracts. I think I honor that as an aspect of my healing.  This relates, too, to what I'm doing here with my stated commitments and the corresponding strategy I've created.

What if healing--which IS a part of my vision, doesn't look they way I think it should?

Maybe it is a result of remaining open rather than fixed or attached. One thing is for sure, it's not an intellectual pursuit.  There's only so much I need to understand to heal. What there is to do with the knowledge I have cultivated over the last 7+ years is weave it together with my intuition (while remaining open to all possibilities), set the intention, and be deliberate and consistent in my actions.  

This insight has lead me to being uber mindful of where my energy is spent. I'm now allowing attachments to dissolve and expectations to dissipate. I am willing to give up what I have held on to so fucking hard in order to heal.

I imagine THIS is what it means to be in integrity, spiritually.  And THAT is my commitment above all else.

I'm ready for the change, the new season, the next chapter...BRING IT ON.


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colette davenport

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport